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“No.”
Kevin cackled and then started to sing the chorus.
Percy groaned more as Kevin wrapped his arms around him from behind, rocking him back and forth as he belted out the I love you. Percy dropped his hands to hold Kevin’s forearms, and he finally sang with Kevin, laughing as they choked out the final dramatic vocalizations.
Julie and James applauded and cheered.
Percy blushed, grumbling, “All right, all right! Show’s over!” He kissed Kevin, brief but passionate, and then shooed him away to a respectable distance. “Focus now. I have to conquer this miserable device!”
“Don’t deny it. You loved that,” Kevin teased, licking the taste of Percy from his lips. He smiled as Percy resumed his battle with the register, and he chuckled as more receipt paper came shooting out.
“Oh, yes! About as much as I love filling out forms in triplicate,” Percy mumbled, though he was clearly trying to hide a smile.
“I bet your handwriting is beautiful.”
“Fuck off.”
Kevin laughed, and he looked over to make sure Julie and James weren’t listening. He also pretended not to notice Julie slipping James some of her margarita. He didn’t want to upset Percy, but he was curious about something.
“Hey, what fuckstick said about how you got out…” Kevin tried to choose his words carefully. “Was that a lot of paperwork too?”
“You’re asking me about thatnow?” Percy scoffed. “Really?”
“No! I mean, yes. It just popped into my head when you said the audit thing.”
“And what if I tell you I had to sign everything in baby blood and seal it with cute puppy guts?” Percy scowled. “That’s what you’re expecting me to say, isn’t it?”
“It wouldn’t matter,” Kevin said firmly, “and I shouldn’t have asked. It’s not any of my business.” He hated how he’d clearly hurt Percy’s feelings and that he’d even brought it up. “I’m sorry.”
“No, I’m sorry.” Percy sagged. “I’d been wondering why you hadn’t asked to be honest.” He lowered his voice. “Ever since Joe said all that… before.”
“I meant what I said. I don’t care. It wouldn’t change anything.” Kevin shrugged. “I was just curious.”
Percy was quiet for a moment.
Julie and James laughed about some comment on a fan fiction he was showing her on his phone. She slipped him more of the margarita and Kevin again pretended not to see it.
“When I said I found a loophole, I was telling the truth.” Percy tore at the receipt paper and crumpled it up into a big ball. “I had a ninety-five percent clear rate within a hundred years. As in, I would clear ninety-five percent of a city’s population by getting them to sell me their souls.”
Kevin tried very hard to keep his face neutral.
Ninety-five percent…
“Okay.” Kevin nodded. “Depending on the city, that could be… a lot. I dunno. Math is not my thing.”
“Ah, yes. But it was mine, you see. I also developed a particular interest in municipal law, especially for what constitutes a city or town, what have you. Like, having twenty-five percent of registered voters in said area sign a petition and ignoring the five-hundred citizen minimum so I could declare a very unusually small area of land as a city. An area, oh, no bigger than an apartment, for example.”
Kevin stared blankly as his brain worked through what Percy had just told him. When it finally clicked the light bulb came on. “Wait, that’s fucking brilliant. So, ninety-five percent of an apartment. Not a real city.”
“No, no, no.” Percy clicked his tongue. “According to the great states of Georgia, Florida, and so on, they were all indeed cities, thank you.” He winked. “I found a way to give myself an unrivaled clearance rate, and every contract in hell is based on the percentage cleared within a single municipality, not by any specific number of souls.”
Kevin’s grin grew even bigger. “Damn, it’s really sexy how your evil mind works.” He leaned in to nudge Percy’s shoulder. “I don’t know what the average retirement age for a demon is, but I’m impressed.”
“It’s funny. It wasn’t even anything evil that first made me think of it.” Percy flicked the side of the cash register. “Unlike this amalgamation of horror and hate, it was seeing someone’s good deed.”
Kevin tilted his head as he listened, growing more curious with each detail revealed. He didn’t think his opinion of Percy would have changed even if he had admitted to collecting tens of millions of souls. He’d kinda expected it, to be honest. This, however, was not.
“A good deed?” Kevin repeated. “Really?”
