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“Sorry! Sorry, sorry, sorry.” Kevin apologized to the clerk about eight more times as he swatted Percy toward the door. “Get out!” He pushed Percy outside. “She’s gonna call the cops about a pair of escaped looney toons.”
“Come now, peaches.” Percy snickered. “Could be fun. You do look so lovely in a pair of cuffs.”
“Save that for the third date.” Kevin chuckled, opening the squeaky truck door so he could drop the bags on the seat. “Get in the truck before you somehow start a riot.”
“Yes, dear.” Percy blew him a kiss.
Kevin caught it with a smile, watching Percy climb back in the truck as he got to work pumping the gas. He noticed the clerk staring at them through the window, and he waved.
She retreated quickly.
As soon as Kevin was done, he put the gas cap back on, tightened it, and closed the flap with a metallic clink. He climbed into the truck to get buckled up. “All right, should be good to drive for a couple hours.”
“And where are we headed?” Percy daintily nibbled the head off a gummy shark. “Hit the road and let your warm angel fuzzies guide you?”
“Yeah, I guess.” Kevin shrugged and started up the truck. He put it in drive and started to pull out of the gas station. “Any better ideas?”
“As there’s no GPS app for this sort of situation, no.” Percy gestured out the windshield. “The interstate is only a few hours away. Head there and see what your fuzzies say.”
“Sounds like a plan.” Kevin turned onto the street, following signs for a small state highway that would eventually take them to the interstate. He grabbed a bottle of root beer, cracking it open as he got comfortable in his seat.
“How exciting!” Percy ate the rest of his shark. “Shall we play twenty questions to pass the time? I spy? Never have I ever? How long before this antiquated lemon breaks down?”
“Hey, this baby is solid.” Kevin set his root beer in the cup holder so he could pat the dashboard affectionately.
“Yes, solid as fetid Styrofoam.”
Kevin ignored him, musing, “Twenty questions seems pointless since my whole life is a lie… but I do have questions about you.”
“Lucky for you, I happen to be one of my favorite subjects.” Percy stretched his arms over his head, providing a distracting vision of his broad chest straining against his shirt.
“Not surprised.” Kevin slowed down to stop for a red light.
“What would you like to know, peaches?”
Kevin grabbed a Twix out of the snack bag and tore the wrapper open with his teeth. He glanced over at Percy as he took a thoughtful bite. “Were you always a demon?”
“Yes. There are several ways to make a demon, like destroying the wings of a fallen angel or when some nasty human idiot sells their soul. But sometimes two demons love each other very much and they get together to have a lot of sex, and they make an adorable tiny hellspawn that’s born directly out of the blistering brimstone in the lowest circle of Hell. That’s me.”
“I’m sure you were precious with your little horns.” Kevin grinned, taking another bite of his candy bar. He drove forward when the light changed, and he was still stuck on imagining a tiny baby Percy crawling around Hell. “Did you have, like… demon preschool or something?”
“Or something.” Percy chuckled. “It’s more like endless, torturous aptitude testing that sorts out your strengths and weaknesses to decide what sort of demon you’ll be.”
“Interesting.” Kevin licked some of the caramel off his lips. “So, what sort of demon are you?”
“I was a collector. My job was taking the souls from the damned when their time was up. I was very good at it, hit my quota within five hundred years, and I was allowed to retire.”
Kevin dropped his candy bar. “Five hundred years? You retired after five hundredyears?”
“Yes.” Percy smirked. “After some tactful negotiation, of course. Hell does so love its paperwork and all their little rules, and I found a loophole that allowed me an out. So, I took it.”
Kevin considered reaching for the candy bar, but decided against it. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d cleaned the truck. “Sorry, but you said five hundred years?”
“I know. I look fabulous for my age, don’t I?” Percy caressed his own cheek. “You’re probably not as young as you think, you know. You’re an angel, peaches. You’re very likely older than me.” He nudged Kevin’s thigh. “Look at you, robbing the demonic cradle.”
A strange feeling crept into the pit of Kevin’s stomach, like he’d just fallen off a cliff and couldn’t stop himself. Every new fact revealed about his true self sent him reeling all over again. “Really? I’m… over five hundred years old? How is that possible? How could I forget that much fucking time?”
“It’s not as if you were probably doing much. Angels aren’t exactly known for being particularly entertaining. Most of them stay up in Heaven, basking in God’s glory and singing, lots of singing. If you ask me, forgetting a few thousand years of choir practice is not much of a loss.”
