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“Croygen.” My palm pushed against his chest, my lids lowering on him.Back off.
His glare matched mine, and he exhaled at my order. His jaw locked tight. He shook his head and stepped back, but looked ready to lurch forward and fight if he needed to.
Turning to my men. “Guys, things are a little different.” I went into a quick summary of what had happened since I left them, what Batara made me promise, and how Croygen fit in now. “You don’t need to protect me with him. Ever. He’s part of the pack.” Pack was family to them. They’d kill and die for them. “You understand what that means?”
Ty and Cane glowered at Croygen, but nodded their heads.
“How did Gage get to be captain of my ship?” I turned the conversation back to them.
Ty licked at his lip. “After Batara felt he successfully broke him. He started to offer more freedom. Incentives. When Batara had trouble getting men who could successfully sailThe Revenge, Gage told him he could do it with Zuri as his first mate.” Ty swallowed. “Cane and I knew we could no longer trust them. Batara had bent and formed them to be his soldiers. They were now spies for him. We had to pretend we were with them.”
“How do we know you’re not pretending now?” Croygen confronted.
Cane’s nose wrinkled with indignation, a growl humming in the back of his throat.
“Because.” Ty stepped up in front of his brother. “We are faithful toourcaptain. She saved us from a life of slavery. And…” He leaned into Croygen, the tension still thick between them. “We are excellent at sensing people’s true character. If they are a good person or not.”
Croygen crossed his arms, staring boldly at Ty, a challenge to dog-shifters, daring them.
The boys responded. Hearing their low growls, I stepped between them again. The situation needed to be defused.
“Guys, please.” I held up my hands. “We are on the same team, and we need to trust each other. We already have too many enemies.”
All three men huffed, looking away.
“Would you give us a moment?” I asked the twins.
“We’ll go make a loop around. Look out for any threat.” Ty stepped back for the door.
“Maybe get some food and supplies,” Cane added, following his brother out, clicking the door shut behind them.
“Do we have to keep them?” Croygen grumbled. “Can’t we have them rehomed?”
“Croy…” I sighed with a laugh, feeling disgusted that I found humor right now.
“What?” He shoved his hands in his jacket, pulling out a sleeping monkey. “We already have enough pets.” He grabbed a cloth from the kitchen, bundling it up under Sprig and placing him on the table. “It’s like a fucking zoo here. A cat, a gerbil, and two guard dogs that don’t look housebroken to me.”
Staring at Sprig’s peaceful frame, I let my shoulders roll forward, the burden pulling them down. A sob hurtled up my throat, choking me.
“Shit.” Croygen’s arms went around me, holding me as I cried. For Moses, Ruby, Polly, Dobbs, for the pain Ty and Cane went through. And I cried for Zuri and Gage, the loss of my family, and knowing I was partly to blame for their betrayal. I couldn’t say I wouldn’t have broken either, taking the opportunity to be free, to sail as a captain, even if it was under someone else’s flag. And I grieved for my ship. My dreams were being taken from me. I deserved to feel the burden. To feel this grief.
Croygen held me tight, giving me everything I needed without saying a word, pulling back when my sobs waned.
“You can’t take on all the blame, Kitten.” His thumbs wiped the tears from my face. “We are pirates. This is what we signed up for. It’s the dice we roll every day. Good or bad. Riches and fame, or imprisonment and torture. Or death. It’s what makes our blood sing, walking that line.” His dark eyes stayed firmly on mine. “You made the decision you had to in that moment. And that is the responsibility of being a captain. Sometimes our choices don’t have a right or wrong. We do our best with the circumstances we are given. And like you, Zuri and Gage made a choice too.”
“But—”
“No, buts.” He cupped my face. “Don’t do what I did. I punished and hated myself for so long. Blaming myself for everything. Living in rage and hate.” His nose touched mine. “I know what it’s like to carry all that guilt. I didn’t know Moses, but it doesn’t sound like he would want you to punish yourself for something you can’t change.”
No, he wouldn’t. Moses believed everything was connected and things happened for a reason. He wouldn’t blame me at all. Which made it worse.
“I finally found you again. Live with me in the now.” His mouth dragged over mine. “And take your pain and grief out on me,Katze.”
Desire surged up my vertebrae when his mouth claimed mine hungrily, giving me no option but to follow him over.
Digging his hands into my hair, he walked me backward toward the bathroom, ripping the damp jacket and top from my body and dropping them in a trail across the floor. Pushing his coat off his shoulders, the heavy material smacked the tile, our need clawing through us, kicking us out of our shoes and pants.
Shuffling me into the compact space, he tore my bralette off my frame, then reached over and turned on the shower, his mouth never leaving mine.
