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“What they did does not make you less. They’re fucked up, not you.” I hold his face in my hands, making him look at me. “Do you understand?”
“I’ve never told anyone any of that,” he whispers.
“No one? Not your mom? Or a therapist?” How has he been carrying this around in him alone?
He shakes his head, and I rest my forehead on his.
“This changes nothing for me, okay?”
Brendon shudders, then kisses me softly. I follow his lead, letting him take this where he needs it to go, but he doesn’t deepen it. Just takes comfort from me. It makes my heart soar to know he reaches for me when he needs something. It’s everything because he is everything. My everything.
“Can you turn the TV on?” he mumbles, pushing me onto my back so he can lay on me.
“Of course.” I get everything turned on and flip through the options before choosingLetterkenny. I can feel Brendon smile against my chest, then his whole body relaxes as I run my fingers through his hair. In no time, he’s sleeping, but it takes me a while to shut my brain off. The story he told me plays on repeat in my head. It makes me want to hurt someone and wrap Brendon in a bubble so no one can get to him but me. If I ever get a second alone with Chad, I’m going to make him pay for what he’s done.
15
Paul
Iam definitely concerned about Brendon. He’s shut down, doesn’t ramble the way he normally does, hasn’t been hanging around the dorm. It’s been a few days since he stumbled home smelling like booze and confided in me. He’s never done this before, so I’m at a loss of how to handle it. Do I let him process and give him space, or do I show up and show him that I’m not scared of his emotions? Since he won’t fucking talk to me, I don’t know what he needs right now.
I thought I saw him at one point today, grabbed his arm to stop him from walking away from me, but it was some football player. Damn near got a fist in my face for that.
After class, I know I have a bit before he’s done for the day. When I get to our room, there’s a brown teddy bear in a Darby U hockey jersey sitting on my bed. What the fuck is this?
I put my backpack down and pick up the stuffed animal. A note sits on my blanket under it.
For when you need a cuddle and I’m not around!
-Nikki
Seriously?Ugh.I toss the bear on Brendon’s bed with the note and start deep cleaning to keep my head busy. I don’t know what I was expecting today to be, but being avoided by the boy I’m head over heels for was not it. I was hoping we could get dinner, cuddle, have an orgasm or three—you know, romantic shit. Instead, I’m tearing apart my fucking dorm room to keep my mind from spiraling.
Once I’ve cleaned out my desk and reorganized my closet, I start pulling all the shit out from under my bed. The box that has the toys I bought makes me stop. I kind of forgot about these.
My dick twitches at the idea of this box. Hmm . . .
Putting the box on my bed, I shove everything else back under it and head to the bathroom with the lube and plug. Since I’ve never done this before and don’t know how messy it could get, the shower seems like a good place toplay.Sitting on the closed toilet lid, I do a search for anal prep on my phone and am overwhelmed with the number of videos, articles, and pictures.
My brain hurts, and that dude has two forearms in his ass. Jesus.
I put my phone down and decide to just wing it. It can’t be too hard.
I strip off my clothes, turn the water on, and put the supplies inside the shower before stepping in. Excited, nervous energy races along my skin, tickling my stomach and making my dick ache. I do a quick rinse and slick up my fingers. The black silicone plug isn’t too big, but I definitely think I need to work up to it.
I rub my finger around the skin and breathe carefully. It’s a strange sensation, being touched here, but it’s not bad. Once I’m able to relax, I push a finger in and lean against the shower wall. Goose bumps erupt on my skin at the unfamiliar sensations.
Thrusting the finger a few times, going a little deeper each time, I groan. One finger becomes two, and I’m pushing back on them. Fuck, it’s so good. I haven’t touched my dick, but the desire is strong. Pulling my fingers from my body, I feel strangely empty. It’s not something I’m used to, and I can only imagine how muchmoreit’ll be after having sex, but the idea is exciting.
Grabbing the plug, I make sure it’s coated in lube and slide it between my cheeks. I push against my hole to get a feel for it and groan. The anticipation is an erotic dance in my abdomen that I want to chase for the rest of my life. Pushing it in, I hiss at the stretch but whimper when it’s fully seated inside of me. My hands tremble, and my knees try to give out, but I catch myself on the wall.
Holy. Fuck.
Electric tingles zap across my skin until even the water is almost too much. I reach for my cock and my body tenses, squeezing around the toy, and my eyes roll back into my skull. Why hasn’t anyone told me how fucking good this feels?
If Brendon doesn’t fuck me soon, I’ll revolt.
With my hand around my dick and the water streaming down my back, I imagine Brendon behind me. His fingers digging into my hips, my hand in his hair to keep him pressed to me, and my ass slapping against him while he fucks me.
