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“Partially, but I’ve been told my entire life to lower my voice, sit still, stop making noise. I don’t have friends from childhood. I had to make new ones every year, only to join a hockey team where they hated me. Fucking Chad Fenwick had it out for me bad. He was a dick, and his dad was the coach, so he got away with everything.”
I pull Brendon into a tight hug and just hold him. I can’t imagine what he’s lived through, and I’m so glad Jeremy and I found him.
“Your quirks don’t bother me. I like that you’re you. You make me smile; it’s impossible not to have fun with you around, and some of my favorite memories involve you.”
Brendon lets out a quiet sob and grips me hard, digging his fingers into my back as he fights with the demons in his head.
“And if I ever hear anyone say anything like that to you, I’ll knock them out. You hear me?” I say into his ear. He nods and relaxes some, letting go of the ghosts that haunt him from his childhood. “I love you the way you are.”
Brendon presses his lips to mine. It’s salty with tears but healing.
“I can’t imagine my life without you,” he says, his voice rough. “You’re it for me.”
31
Paul
We get to the locker room with barely enough time to get our gear on and most of the team already filing out onto the ice. Brendon and I race to get out on the ice before Coach rips us a new asshole and just barely make it.
“Oiler, Johnson, nice of you to join us,” he barks across the ice, and I just nod. I know better than to fuck with Coach.
I can see Brendon open his mouth from the corner of my eye, and I quickly say, “Don’t do it,” under my breath. He snaps his mouth closed and lifts his stick in acknowledgement.
We start with warmup skates, going around and around the rink until we’re breathing hard and starting to sweat. Coach yells out drills, and we get into position for them. It’s standard practice, and since Carmichael is back on the ice, his voice is a lot closer when he yells insults at us. I really thought getting laid regularly would make him nicer, but I was wrong.
“Johnson!” I grind my teeth together at Carmichael’s voice. “Albrooke’s baby niece has better puck control than you!”
I flip him off and keep going while Oiler chuckles.
“For once, it’s not me,” Oiler yells with his arms in the air.
“Riggs! Have you ever been on a pair of skates before?” Carmichael yells, and our baby player fumes but doesn’t say anything. Smart kid.
We run some passing drills with insults as a soundtrack, though most of us just ignore him these days.
“Oiler!”
“Fuck.” Brendon groans. “I know! Slower than your one-legged, dead grandma running through peanut butter in the snow. Got it.”
Everyone laughs, and Coach calls the end of practice. We grab water bottles and trudge back to the locker room. I’m going to get changed, then head back to the dorm to crash. I should eat, but I just don’t care. Maybe I’ll order pizza or something.
I pull my practice jersey off and hang my pads in my cubby to dry out. As I’m pulling my base layer over my head, someone grabs my arm while my head is covered in the fabric and turns me.
“Johnson!” Willis yells, and I fight to get the damn shirt off. “You find yourself a hoover?”
I get the shirt off and lift an eyebrow at him. Jeremy snorts behind me, and Brendon comes up next to me, dropping an arm over my shoulders. This is either going to be hilarious or awful.
“You jealous? I can give you a matching one if you want.” Brendon shrugs. “You guys can be twins like me and Jeremy.”
I sigh and shake my head while Willis looks between us, clearly trying to decide if Brendon is full of shit or not.
It’s on the tip of my tongue to tell Brendon not to touch him, but my gut tightens, and I hold it back. Logically, I don’t think anyone on the team will care if they find out Brendon and I are together, but the only people that I’ve come out to are Brendon and Jeremy. It’s terrifying to put myself out there like that. Will I be judged? Will people start making fucked-up comments about me or what I like? Will the team think less of me?
“Knock it off,” I tell Brendon and smack his bare stomach with the back of my hand before heading to the showers. Brendon is not far behind me and smacks my ass on his way past me. “They’re going to start thinking you’re serious, you know.”
Brendon turns to the room and cups his hands around his mouth and fear courses through me. What the fuck is he going to say?
“Hey!” he yells. “I’m bi or whatever. I like holesandpoles. Anyone got a problem with that?”
