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The plan was for Kelly to meet me at the airport after the limo dropped her off. They’d let me know the exact spot where they’d be bringing her so I could wait there. I had no idea what to expect; I didn’t even know this chick’s age. For all I knew, she could have been old enough to be my grandmother or eighteen.
Finally, in the distance, I could see the black limo approaching. Butterflies swarmed in my belly. Okay, maybe I wasn’t as ambivalent as I’d thought. It felt like I was The Bachelor, waiting for the limo to pull up and not knowing what the woman exiting the vehicle was going to be like.
When the limo pulled up, no one came around to open the back door. Instead, the door swung open and out came one of the tallest men I’d ever seen. He wore a Hawaiian shirt, a jumbo straw hat, and had what looked like Mardi Gras beads around his neck.
What the hell?
“Please tell me you’re Sarah.” He smiled.
I had to admit, under that gargantuan hat, he had a pretty gorgeous face and piercing blue eyes.
I cleared my throat. “I am.”
Before I could get another word out, I went flying into the air. He’d lifted me up off my feet and spun me around so fast I nearly vomited.
“Dude, this is gonna be awesome,” he said as he planted me back on my feet.
Dude? “What? Excuse me. Who are you, and where the hell is Kelly?”
“You’re looking at him.” He held his hand out. “Kelly Fugger. Great to meet you, Sarah.”
“Kelly Fucker?”
“Fugger. F-U-G-G-E-R.”
Well, isn’t this a bitch… I’m fugged.
CHAPTER 2
* * *
Sarah
“How can you be Kelly? You’re supposed to be a woman…”
The guy pulled out the waistband of his shorts and peeked inside. “Sorry. Still not a woman. Though I have to admit, it’s been a while since I had a reason to check.” He shrugged. “I’ve had a bit of a dry spell since the vibrator thief and I split up.”
I blinked a few times. “Vibrator thief?”
He nodded. “That’s how I won the contest. My ex, Kelly—”
I interrupted him. “Wait, your name is Kelly and your ex’s name is Kelly?”
“I know what you’re thinking, but she didn’t steal my name, too. She was born a month before me.”
The lines that had been etched into my forehead since he stepped out of the car deepened. “I’m so confused…”
He nodded. “I felt the same way when I saw Dr. Phil unveiled at our annual new-product presentation.”
“Dr. Phil?”
“That’s what I’d named the vibrator I’d invented. You know, before Dr. Phil started on Oprah, he used to host self-help seminars, and now he’s a relationship guru.” Kelly shrugged. “Isn’t that what a vibrator is? Self-help when you’re in a bad relationship? Anyway, the company I work for renamed it Butterfly Kisses or some shit like that, so it’s probably why you never heard of Dr. Phil the vibrator.”
I rubbed my temples. “Listen, Kelly, I’m not sure where the mix-up occurred, but the contest winner was supposed to be a woman. It wasn’t open to men.”
He wagged a finger at me. “That’s what I initially assumed, but I checked the rules on the website before I entered, and it didn’t mention that you had to be a woman.”
The stretch limo started to pull away. I raised my hand and yelled, “Wait!” But the damn thing kept going.
I shook my head. “Well, I’m sorry the podcast must’ve forgotten to put that in the rules, but I can’t share a hotel room with a man.”
“Still haven’t forgiven the gender for what your ex did, so you don’t want to be around a man, huh?”
“What? No! I mean, yes, I’m still angry at my ex, but no, that’s not the reason I don’t want to share a room with a man.”
“So what’s the problem?”
“I’m just not comfortable doing that.”
“Is it because you’re attracted to me?” He pointed to his eyes and fluttered his long, dark lashes. “Some people call these bedroom eyes.”
Oh my God. “Listen, Kelly. I’m really sorry for the mix-up. But I’m not going on this trip with you. I was already hesitant about sharing space with a woman. There’s just no way I can go with you.”
He nodded. “I understand.”
“You do?”
Kelly rubbed his bottom lip with his thumb. “What if I get my own room? And just catch a ride with you on the PJ and share the meal and alcohol plan that comes with the hotel stay?”
I shook my head. “I don’t know…”
We were still standing out in front of the private-jet terminal. A guy in a uniform walked over. “Ms. McGraw?”
I turned. “Yes?”
“Your flight is ready to board.”
“Okay. Can you just…give me one moment, please?”
“Sure. But that’s all we have. The air traffic controller is backed up, and if we don’t take off in the next fifteen minutes, we’re going to lose our spot.”
