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Nothingabouttodayfeelslike Christmas. I checked my phone a million times throughout the night and slept very little. When morning comes, I can’t seem to do anything but stare at the blank screen, waiting for it to ring. I shoot Rockwell another text.
Brie:Praying hard. Update me when you get a chance.
I’m praying for both Sandy and Rockwell and replaying the night over and over in my mind. After Sandy collapsed and was air-flighted, everyone gathered for an emotional Nativity performance. A community prayer was offered. Everyone in the town is rooting for Sandy.
The actual Nativity was a blur for me, but at least during those few minutes surrounded by songs of baby Jesus, I felt peace. Once it ended though, my worries started spiraling.
Rockwell could lose his mom.
I really don’t want anything worse to happen, but I have no control. It kills me to feel so helpless. I try not to think about what this means for our relationship. It’s selfish to think about anything but Sandy.
Still, the nagging thoughts persist no matter how I attempt to squash them. If Sandy dies, will I ever see Rockwell again? My stomach gnaws, making me feel sick. I’m a wreck.
Gabby finds me huddled in my bed and hugs me on her way out the door. “Call me if you need anything. I mean it.”
“Thanks,” I mumble. “I’ll be fine.” It’s Sandy I’m worried about.
Jocelyn comes in a few minutes later and sits by me on my bed. She takes up my brush and does what she does best and brushes my hair for me. “Are you hanging in there?”
I nod. “Sort of.”
“Do you need me to stay with you today?”
“No. Of course not. Go be with your family.”
She lingers, puttering around, until my dad randomly shows up.
“Come on, sweetie. The whole family is waiting for you.”
I don’t really want to celebrate right now, but I don’t want my somber mood to ruin anyone’s Christmas. I agree to go with him. Jocelyn gives me a hug, and like Gabby, reminds me that she’s a phone call away.
Once I’m home, no one minds that I’m keeping to myself. They understand because they’re worried too. Sandy is loved by the whole community.
About ten in the morning, I cave and call Rockwell. He hasn’t responded to any of my texts, which is perfectly understandable, but not knowing is killing me. I don’t get any response.
“I’m calling the hospital,” my mom insists. I chew on my nails—a former pet peeve of mine—until she hangs up. “Sandy’s still with us.”
I want to cry with relief.
“They can’t tell me how serious things are. All specific information has to be released to a close relative.”
“At least she’s alive,” I breathe. Right now, it’s enough.
By lunchtime though, I’m going crazy again and pick at my turkey and mashed potato feast, pretending to eat. I still haven’t heard from Rockwell. Has anything changed with Sandy? Is Rockwell doing okay? My family is a good distraction, but some of their topics of conversation are starting to annoy me. Especially Brad’s inquiries about Rockwell and me, and whether he should request time off for our wedding in the spring.
I don’t even know if we’ll still be dating tomorrow. His teasing drives me insane. The guy never learned when to keep his thoughts to himself.
By two in the afternoon, I text my friends an SOS. Gabby and Jocelyn kidnap me and take me home. They promise my parents they’ll stay with me for a few hours and bring me back for their Christmas dinner.
Once we’re on our couch with blankets on our laps and feet lined up together on the ottoman, Gabby prompts me to talk. “Tell us everything going on in your mind.”
“I’m better now you two are with me, and I’m away from Brad. Thanks for leaving your family parties for me.”
“We exchanged one family gathering for another,” Jocelyn answers, threading her arm through mine. “We’re here for you, girl.”
“But really,” Gabby says. “Are you okay?”
I shrug. “I’m worried about Sandy but selfishly worrying about me and Rockwell at the same time.”
