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Maddy, being the oldest, was the one who made me feel like I had my life together. She was a huge help with keeping her sisters in line.

“Can you go turn on my coffee maker?”

She nodded and ran off as I dipped down and pulled Mila up into my arms, running down the stairs, roaring like a troll.

She giggled in my arms as I caged her in and acted like she was my prisoner.

“Daddy, can we go to Uncle Cole’s house and see if the makeup lady is there?”

I dumped Mila on the couch and then tossed a pillow on top of her. She laughed again as I moved toward the kitchen. Maddy had popped a coffee pod into the machine for me and already had my favorite mug propped under the spout, filling.

Once it was done, I took it by the handle and started sipping it. There was a pile of unopened bills neatly stacked on the edge of the counter, ready for me to dig into. Maddy liked to organize them for me so I wouldn’t forget to pay them. I never have, but after everything her mother put her through, I understood her quirks. Stability was a big deal to her.

“Daddy, pleassssseee can we go see the makeup lady today?” Mila pushed her hair out of her face and then plopped down on the chair.

I took a sip from my mug and headed toward the fridge.

“Why are you suddenly so interested in seeing the makeup lady?” Giving her a little glare, I added, “Whose name is Haley, by the way.”

Mila straightened, looking all business. “She’s nice, and she let us play with all her makeup for as long as we wanted. She even let us eat extra marshmallows when Uncle Cole said we couldn’t.”

We were out of eggs. Fuck.

I turned toward Maddy, who had entered the kitchen. “Do we have any bread?”

“In the freezer.”

I ruffled her hair as I slid open the freezer and tugged the extra bag out.

“Daddy, why aren’t you paying attention to me?” Mila whined.

After the fire alarm and the stack of bills, realizing we were out of eggs and I had just gone shopping the day before, I was agitated. I had to get to the gym and prepare for the investor meeting. Cole was meeting me there, which meant no makeup lady for her. She’d throw a fit until I gave in, and I just didn’t have it in me this morning to argue.

“Mila, we have to go to the gym today.”

“Not again. We always have to go with you, and it stinks. Bad!” My five-year-old’s voice picked up an octave as her little arms crossed over her chest.

Maddy kept her face down, focused on making toast. She was growing up too fast. It was something I noticed often, but today I could actually feel it. She was only ten but had the maturity of a girl much older. Every now and then she’d break down and cry for a mother she didn’t have and a life she had to give up. I saw so much of myself in her. My mom passed away when I was eleven, and my dad raised me on his own, dragging me with him to each new base he was stationed at. I learned how to be efficient, organized and quiet.

My dad now lived over in England with his new wife, and we don’t talk much. He wasn’t much support during all the shit that went on with my ex, and he never really called to ask about the girls.

“I know, but I don’t have anyone else to watch you, kiddo, and Uncle Cole will be at the gym too.” Pretty soon Maddy could watch her sisters, but that was a burden I didn’t want to put on her shoulders just yet.

“What about Cassie? I thought she was our babysitter.” Seraphina asked, walking in while rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.

“Cassie quit.” I faced the cupboard as my jaw clenched tight.

The girls were getting old enough now to remember shit, and the situation with Cassie was a hot fucking mess.

“Why did she quit? Were we bad?” Mila asked, her voice tipping with raw emotion. Two of our other babysitters had been mean to the girls, and when I confronted them on it, they’d quit, blaming the kids. Fucking cowards. They quit because they didn’t want to be held accountable for their behavior. Now, it was a sore spot for the girls.

“Cassie needed a different job that gave her more hours. She needed more money.”

She also needed to learn how to take rejection. She’d tried to kiss me one night when I got home from a date. It was awkward as fuck because I had been training her boyfriend at the gym earlier that morning. She was young, in college. Too young for me, but even without that, she was my kids’ babysitter, and that shit was so unprofessional. So, I fired her and asked her not to call or text anymore. Last I heard, she’d moved back to Portland to be near her parents because I told her boyfriend what she did. Everyone deserved to know if their person was being unfaithful to them. It was bullshit to keep peoples’ secrets when they were so willing to hurt them.

“So, we don’t even have a babysitter now?” Mila’s voice rose higher with each word, like I’d told her we had lost our car or our home.

Maddy took a seat, handing out three pieces of toast with jam to her sisters.

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