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Fuck.
I shifted under the spray, turning it hotter.
The girls had long since gone to bed, so I let the spray burn my skin and soak my eyes so that any trace of emotion would be erased. I needed to hit something. I needed—
The glass door to the shower opened, and I didn’t have to turn to know Haley was inside. Her hands ran up my chest from behind, her face resting against my back.
Then her sweet voice filled the space where all my rotten thoughts had been.
“You’ve been in here for a while.”
The water poured over my head, forcing my hair to the side as I peered over my shoulder. Holding her hands to my chest, I replied, “Just thinking.”
We stayed like that for a second, until she tugged my arm to face her. The water made the varying hues in her hair stand out, and as rivets of water trailed down her breasts, all I could do was watch in awe. She was so perfect, but the sort of perfection that was bone deep, transcending her looks. I’d know her anywhere, because of that kind heart of hers.
“Talk to me,” she said softly, letting the water ricochet around us. It made her blink, flashing those dark lashes.
Trailing her lips with my finger, and watching as her green eyes drifted shut, it felt like a thousand bricks fell into place at once, barricading these emotions and making it impossible for any of them to get out. I didn’t want to talk. I couldn’t hear all the damaging words leave my chest, tainting this moment. I couldn’t admit all the defeat that hung around my neck like a millstone. Just another reminder that I had fucked up once, and if I wasn’t careful, it could happen again.
I loved Haley.
But even love had some limits on how much misery the other person could withstand before they just wanted to move on. She was so young; she could have anyone…the whole world was at her feet. I finally understood why Colson was so adamant about her not dating me. He loved her, and he wanted her to have a future. One with fresh starts. The chance to have her own family, someone in the same season of life.
When I turned fifty, she’d still be in her thirties…She’d have friends with husbands in their thirties, and what if she didn’t want a husband that had hair that was turning gray, or shit— what if I had wrinkles and back pain and erectile dysfunction by then? What if she wanted to have a kid, or kids… Was I ready to start over? Did I want that?
“Liam…” She grabbed my wrist and kissed my palm.
I should do it.
I could push her away and make her leave. She could have all that.
No doubt, she’d find someone, and she could be happy.
Haley lifted up on her toes and pressed her mouth to mine, wrapping her arms around my neck. Then once she broke the kiss, she whispered, “Come back to me. I can feel you drifting.”
The memories of us that night playing Spaceship slammed into me. Her making new memories with us. Her fitting with us.
I wrapped my arm around her back and held her to me as tight as I could, kissing her shoulder. Emotions tangled in my sternum like rough rope, burning and chafing all my vulnerabilities and making my voice hoarse.
“I’m here,” I said in her ear, clinging tighter to her, knowing this was forever. I was too fucking selfish for any alternative. “I’m not going anywhere.”
I stroked her back as she played with my hair, and we stayed like that until the water ran cold.
* * *
I tookSunday off to be with Haley and the girls.
After the shower that night, there was no talking. We fell into bed and then got lost in each other over and over, until the tangled sheets held our silence. The next morning, Haley was downstairs making scrambled eggs with the girls.
We relaxed, built a massive fort in the living room, and then we played a few board games. It was peaceful like we were in our own little bubble. Haley hadn’t brought up the shoes again, and while I understood what she was doing and was appreciative of her efforts, the gym had to be something I did on my own. I couldn’t explain it except that like her own business ventures, when she followed her gut to buy a company, I had to do the same with my own business. Even if it was failing, and it made no sense at all to turn down her help.
I had to, otherwise in the back of my mind I’d always know that I couldn’t have done it on my own, I had her to step in and rescue me. And after all the shit that happened with Lacey, I needed to have something in my life that I resurrected myself. A financial backer was fine, as long as it was someone who genuinely thought I was a good investment, not out of pity or some other misplaced notion.
Today, I was heading back into work, dragging my feet. I already knew what the books would show, and I knew it was going to be hot today, and the fans only did so much and that was if they worked today. I knew that Rex would be the first in, droning on about the shit he’d heard around town through the grapevine. The dude wouldn’t think twice about raving about something that would be a sore subject for me.
Flicking on the lights to the gym, I tossed my bag and keys, booted up the computers, and flicked on the first fan near the desk. I’d have to open the back bay doors to let the cooler air in with the fans blowing.
Right as I was about to leave the front desk, the door swung open and a man in a business suit and shiny loafers walked in.
