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Now was my chance to bail before she caught me. I was about to scoot back and dismiss myself from the table, in hopes of sneaking back to my room and forgetting all about turning thirteen, when there was a soft commotion coming from the back patio. Colson was coming in. His golden hair was all shoved to the side and wet, so he had probably been out surfing. He was eight years older than me and away at college, he was rarely ever home. But when he was, I always tried to get his attention, even if it did hurt to have it. It was like wanting the sun even knowing it would cause a burn.
I sat as still as a stone as my heart pinged in my chest. He had a friend with him, and they were muttering and laughing as they walked through the house.
I knew if he was ever going to see me, now would be it. I was finally a teenager. Maybe he’d finally realize I wasn’t just a baby anymore. I was a person.I was his sister.
My party decor was all over the dining room, so there was no chance he’d walk past without seeing it. Or me.
But as he ventured closer to the gaping arch that led into the dining area, I heard his friend ask, “Who’s that?”
Colson lifted his head and stared right at me, no emotion…nothing.
“No one.”
The words echoed in my head as loud as thunder, sharper than the sting of lightning.
A single tear slid down my face as he jogged up the stairs and left me behind.
For some stupid reason, my heart had lifted the smallest bit when I saw him, thinking maybe my brother would take pity on me and call in our other siblings, and we’d all sit and eat cake. We’d say forget them to everyone who bailed, and we’d have our own fun. Part of mehoped, and that’s where I went wrong.
Hope was the gleam of sunlight, which most people thought was good, but caught in a magnifying glass it would catch shit on fire, and that’s exactly what it did to me on a regular basis.
A sob caught in my throat as loneliness tore my heart open with sharp talons then curled into a tight little ball, right there in my chest.
Mom was always talking about how I needed a backbone. Maybe she was right. Maybe I needed to toughen up, shove all the pain out. Get away from it.
Right as I thought it, Blaire, our house manager, hustled out of the kitchen.
“You’re still here?”
I hiccupped as the sob finally broke free from my chest.
“Oh, child. Come on.” She grabbed my hand and hurried me out of house, grabbing the top tier of the cake on her way.
Tears streamed so thick, I couldn’t see where she was leading me. It wasn’t until I smelled the lilac bushes that I realized we were in the garden. I wasn’t allowed in here. I didn’t know why, I just knew I wasn’t permitted to step foot in it, according to Colson and Dad.
“Hush now. It’s your birthday. You will make a wish and you will smile.”
Blaire dug in her apron and pulled a small box of matches free.
My knees pressed into the dirt as stalks of corn towered behind me on one side and purple flowers surrounded me on every other side. I could hear the waves crashing against the cliff below. The sky was crystal clear, a blue so bright that it made my eyes hurt.
“Here. Wish.”
Blaire gently cradled my jaw and directed my gaze down toward the candles now flickering against the sea breeze.
I shook my head as more tears rushed forward.
“It’s ruined.”
She hushed me. “No such thing.”
“Everyone forgot.” I choked on another sob.
She sat back, her knees bent like mine, both of us just resting in the soft dirt of this sacred garden.
“Did I?”
No, Blaire hadn’t. None of the staff had forgotten. A few of them had even slipped me a few gifts and smiles.
