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In this moment, and just for a second, I hated my blood and cursed the Caputo name, for if it wasn’t for this, I could have run to him.
“Goodbye, Salvatore.”
He didn’t answer, so we just listened to each other’s breaths in silence for minutes in a row before I finally found the courage to press on the screen, cutting the line.
The moment I couldn’t hear him anymore, I threw the phone away, slid down to the cold marble floor and cried what felt like a river.
~~~
Our last day on the lake dragged along. Rebecca tried her best to keep me busy, but no activity could pull my thoughts away from Salvatore. How many times have I told him it’s over? Ten? Twenty? A hundred? I never bothered to keep count, but this time felt different – this time his words had substance.
…if this is what you need, Grazia, I will provide.I’m letting you go.
I could hear those phrases like a never-ending echo ringing in my ears. My anger and sadness had no foundation when – as he said – he was just providing something I’ve asked for time and time again. It was finally over. Salvatore and I were history.
I’m still here, Grazia, for everything you need. Whenever.
If I’d need him, he would come, I had no doubts. It will take time for us to forget each other, and a half of my heart would forever be tucked in Salvatore’s pocket.
The only positive was that now I was free of the lying. I didn’t have to look intoBabbo’seyes and find excuses for my whereabouts, Delfina didn’t have to stay awake and wait for me every night, and I didn’t have to live with a constant fear that someone would find out and hell would break loose. I didn’t feel quite the release that this situation was supposed to bring, and surely something was visible on my face because Victoria abandoned her dolls and came to sit next to me in the rose garden.
“Why are you sad, Zia?”
“Me? Sad? Now why would you think that?”
“You don’t smile. I like when you smile.”
I took her little chin in my hand and brought her nose close to mine.
“You’re perfect, do you know that?Un dolce angelo[17]. I’m fine, just tired, that’s all.”
Victoria shrugged. “I am too. Emiliano kicked me all night because of bad dreams.”
“You still don’t want to sleep in your own room, huh?”
“I like to sleep with him, but not when he kicks me.”
“Where is your brother now?”
“Packing with Mama. I don’t want to go home.”
“Why not? Don’t you miss your daddy?”
“Why can’t he come here and we could all stay and play with the water.”
Her sweet innocence made me giggle. “We have water back home too.”
“This water is prettier.” She put her cheek on my leg. “Don’t be sad anymore, Zia.”
“I won’t.” I promised both to herandto me. “Come on, let’s find your mom and brother. We need to leave and catch our flight.”
I took Victoria’s hand and walked to the front of the house, where a valet was already loading a car with our bags, and Becca was waiting with her son in her arms.
“There you two are. Emiliano and I were one minute away from sending out a search party. Everyone ready to go back home?”
“Yes,sorella.” This time I forced a smile to show Victoria I was better. “I love it here, but I can’t wait to sleep in my own bed again.”
I really needed my silk pillow case to cry into and Delfina’s creamy milk chocolate to help me get through this. I had no plan going forward and no intention of thinking about it, because that would mean thinking about a life with no trace of Salvatore in it and that was scary. All I wanted now was to make it back to my city and go to ballet practice first thing in the morning.
