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“I know him.” I pointed at Santo. “I’ve never seen you before.”
“How do you know him and not me?” Arno looked almost insulted and his friend jumped in.
“She was at Don Caputo’s birthday party that’s how. And I’m handsome, motherfucker, easy to see. Who would look at you?”
“All your women looked at me.” Arno shot back.
“Hey.” I tapped on the bar again to get their attention. “Why don’t you two have your lover’s quarrel outside and let me work. You’re costing me money guys, and I really need it. This might be all fun and games for Garon, but I…” I lost my breath out of the blue.
How did I get to this? I never had a happy life, but it was good. I had a home and Grazia to be there for me and it was enough. I never wished for anything, I never had to choose between feeding my dog or feeding myself. Yes, living in Ariana’s shadow, overlooked by everyone was pathetic, but at least I didn’t live in fear.
Ariana failed on getting everything Grazia had, but she took everything from me. In Palermo, at least I could pretend that my father never asked me how I was doing because he was too busy and Mom told me all the ways I wasn’t good enough to be her daughter because she wanted me to improve. After they sold my soul to get the money to find their daughter—the only daughter they cared about—there were no more excuses. I had no family, no friends, no money, nothing, and most days I did a good job pushing it all down and fighting my way through this mess, but sometimes everything became too heavy.
Ignoring Santo and Arno’s bickering, I turned around and left in the back, finding a quiet corner. I should have been out there trying to get more tips, but I just wanted to… cry. I was exhausted. Not physically, my body was fine, but Garon being here opened windows to the time when my life was calm and normal. He was giving me crumbs of a destiny I couldn’t have anymore and it was tiring.
While tears rolled down to my chin, I cursed my parents for what they did to me. For one second I allowed myself to actually feel sorry for my situation because I didn’t deserve it. I’ve tried my best to be a good daughter even if they never loved me, or even bothered to pretend. And God was my witness, I’ve never done anything to Garon. I didn’t deserve the way he treated me, like I was some inconvenience that needed to be taken care of. I didn’t need to be banished from their lives, and if it was anyone, even Don Giovani Caputo, who would have talked to me the way Garon did, I would have said as much. But it wasn’t anyone else, it was Garon, and my stupid heart had a soft spot for him.
That day he told me to leave, I couldn’t say anything. I couldn’t say no. I saw him so broken, swallowed by despair, if me going away was comforting, I yearned to give him that. All I’ve ever tried was to do was do good by everyone and look where it got me. I was working for scraps, hoping to avoid being forced into prostitution, and I was sleeping with a man that held my heart in a tight grip, but who was too wild to ever stop and see it. I had nothing and I was going nowhere.
In that moment, I missed Grazia more than I ever did since I left Palermo. I just wanted to call her and tell her all the things that went wrong and complain about Garon. I needed a friend and she was the best person I knew, but after all this time, I couldn’t just call. She probably hated me as much as everyone else did and today of all days, I couldn’t hear that from her. It was too much.
I heard footsteps coming from around the corner and I wiped away my tears just before I saw Leonardo.
“Oh, Pina, what happened?” He put his hands on my shoulders. At least I had him to lean on. We weren’t friends exactly, but he was kind, and lately I’d learned that was a lot to ask from people. “Is it Caputo? Did he do anything to you because I’ll…”
“No! No, Leo, Garon didn’t do anything.” I spared him of the back story. “I just… miss home. Garon’s sister was my best friend and I haven’t seen her in a while. She was…” I sobbed. “She was sick when I left and I didn’t get to say goodbye.”
“You know, Pina, I never realized you are so close with the Caputofamiglia.”
“Yeah, umm, we grew up together.”
“They’re powerful people.”
He had no idea. Balbano was rich, but Caputo? No one even cared if they had money or not. The Caputo family was feared and respected and could do anything because they knew everyone. Leonardo couldn’t even comprehend how much their influence spread across Italy.
“I guess.” Exiled or not, I was still raised by the code of Mafia and I would rather cut off my tongue than talk about their secrets.
“Then why wouldn’t they help you? This cocky bastard came here telling me what a big man he is, how he’s here looking over you, but they let you rot alone in a brothel in Rome? Those are not friends, Pina. You should remember that.”
Every word hurt. Every. Single. One.
“It’s complicated. Hey, I’m really sorry for how Garon acted. We’re…Scusa15. You’ve been nothing but good to me and I hope you won’t hold his temper against me.”
“Oh, Pina.” He cupped my face and smiled down on me. “Never. You’re too sweet to be mad at,Amore.”
“Thank you.” I cleared my throat in hopes it would break some of the awkward tension building between us. “I should get back to work.”
“You know what, take tonight off too. You’ve been crying, I can tell. You need some time off.”
“Leo, I can’t. I’ve already missed half my shift.”
“Don’t worry. I’ll cover you for the money.”
“No, no. I can’t. I can’t afford to owe anyone else anything.”
“Pina, it’s only a few hundred euros, OK? You don’t owe me anything, just go catch your breath.”
“Are you sure?”
