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“He looks funny. What’s wrong with him?”
“Nothing.”
“Are you sure? His face is wonky.”
I slapped him on the arm. “Stop talking like that about my dog.”
“I’m joking. I like his funny face.”
“Are you sure it’s OK for Panini and I to leave in your house?”
“Don’t start with me again, Pina. I’m not letting you out of my sight.”
“You never had a dog before.” I said, even if that was the least of my concerns.
“I never had a child before, Pina, but a lot of things are about to change.”
My lips quivered and I took a deep breath, looking out the window at the outline of Palermo that was starting to peek in the distance.
“I’m afraid.” I told him.
“Pina, I won’t let anything happen to you.” He put his arm over my shoulders and I leaned into him.
“Everyone hates me. Your family, my friends; everyone. You know that, right?”
“Well,amore piccola, everyone hates me too.” He laughed and nuzzled his nose into my hair. “My family has nothing against you, Pina. My brothers hate your sister, not you.”
“And Grazia?”
“Piccolina, my sister will be thrilled to see you. She was devastated when she woke up and found out you were gone.” I heard him swallow hard. “She doesn’t know why.”
He never told Grazia he ordered me to leave.
“It’s OK. I miss her, but I don’t know how I’m going to face her. She’s going to lose her mind when she hears about the baby. Hating me is still on the table.”
“Grazia doesn’t hate, she’s too good for that. If she has a problem with our baby, she will come around, and no one will dare say a bad word to you. I’ll kill them if they do.”
I rolled my eyes. “You have to stop threatening to kill people.”
“I mean it. I might not be the favorite son, but I’m still a Caputo. I’ll be damned if I let anyone insult the mother of my child.” A soft kiss on my cheek felt like he was melting into my skin. “What else are you afraid of? Let me take away your fears.”
“I’m afraid of what will happen.”
“Because you don’t want a baby?”
I never thought about it. I was an unloved baby, so I never thought much about becoming a mother, not at under twenty-years old. Still, now that I knew it was coming, I couldn’t imagine anything I’d love more.
“No, it’s not that. It’s so early, Garon. Anything could happen.”
“What to do you mean?”
“I mean I might lose it.” I raised my voice even though I didn’t mean to. “My mother lost many pregnancies, so maybe my genes are fucked up. It’s going to be a couple of months until we know for sure we’re having a baby or not. I just don’t know what would happen if…”
“Nothing.” He cut me off. “Nothing would happen, so don’t worry about it.”
“But if…”
“If you lose it then you lose it.” He said with vehemence. “I want this child, but I also wantyou. You’re afraid I’ll throw you out again and that is my fault. I don’t pretend to be a better man then when I pushed you away, Pina, but now I know better than to find you guilty when the only one to blame is my father.”
