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“I know.” She cleared her throat. I knew my friend and she was hesitant to say whatever she was about to say. “Pina, you’re young and as long as I’ve known you, I’ve never heard you once say you want children.”
“I am the unloved child of a mafia lieutenant and a pill addict. Can you blame me for not wanting to build my own family?”
Grazia was loved. She might have had a shitty father, but he was good to her for most part, her mother was a saint and she had seven brothers who adored her. On top of that, she fell for Salvatore before most girls could even think about boyfriends. It wouldn’t have surprised me if they’d start having children right away and something told me that if it wasn’t for Ariana disrupting their entire life, they would have been parents by now, which was another thing to hate about my sister.
Outside of pining over Garon, I never paid any thought to family or love. I never dreamed about the white dress or the pink nursery because I simply didn’t believe fairytales were for me. I was far from living a fairytale, but the nursery was imminent.
“What about now? You don’t want to be a mom?”
“I never thought I would, but then a doctor told me it will happen and it’s like something snapped in place. This baby… no, I didn’t want it, but now I wouldn’t change it for anything in the world.”
“What about Garon?”
I sighed. Deeply.
“I love him.” I confessed. “But I know him, Grazia. He’s done a lot for me in the past few weeks and he speaks about raising this child, but we both know he’s not good under pressure.”
“You think he’s going to bail on his own child?”
“No. I told him I can leave and he’d never have to worry about the baby, but he shot me down. Still, pressure can get to him, like when you ran away to Salvatore or when your Father died. I’m afraid he might wake up one day and decide he wants his old life back and he’ll resent me for trapping him.”
Grazia took my hand in hers and squeezed it.
“Look, Pina, I know my brother better than anyone. He is not a bad man.” I knew that. “He’s wild and impulsive and fell down the wrong path a few times, but we always get him back.”
“You were worried he might drink himself to death or get hooked on substances and he won’t be able to come back.”
“He’s not an addict, not yet.” She chewed on her lips.
Mafia children are raised around the worst of vices, so our parents drill into our heads how important it is to stay away from them. If we drink, it’s watered down. If we want to take drugs, it’s always controlled, so we wouldn’t fall victim to it. Ironic how the most careful people were those who pushed those things on others.
“I know he’s not, but he likes to live on the edge.”
“You’ll get him back, Pina. He went to Giovani last night, told him he’s ready to come back home, be with thefamigliaand take his place in the business. My brothers have been trying to convince him it’s time for the past two years. He takes this seriously, I promise.”
I nodded. “I just want the best for him.” I told her. “Garon means a lot to me and I know he’s troubled. I wish I could make it better for him.”
“You are. He might be a wild card, but he’s still a Caputo man. Children, legacy, these are the things that drive our family. You gave him a purpose.” Grazia placed a hand on her heart. “You should have heard how happy and proud Giovani was when he called.”
“Because of the baby?”
“Well, yes, but also because when Garon was hit with something big, he did the right thing and came home. He went to his brothers.” Her smile was melancholic. “He’s been distant from all of us lately. Last night felt like we’re getting our brother back. Thank you, Pina.”
I chuckled, not knowing what to do with everything she said to me.
“Our lives have changed so much in such a short time.”
“Yes, it’s different for me. I married young, but I always knew Salvatore and I will end up together. It has to be harder for you.”
“It’s an adjustment. I don’t know how to explain it. It’s like someone found my hidden wish—a chance at a life with Garon Caputo—and I’m afraid to be happy about it because I might lose it.”
“It will be fine. I want you know you can talk to me. Garon is my brother, but you and I, Pina, are best friends. The boys have their secrets, and we can have ours.”
I nodded. “I’ve missed you, Grazia.”
“Dio, I’ve missed you! Don’t bail on me again, OK?”
Before I could assure her I had no plans on running, Garon and Salvatore came back from the room. Salvatore rushed to Grazia’s side, pulling her close to him and I felt a hint of envy over what they had. He couldn’t live without his wife, he couldn’t breathe when she wasn’t in the room. Most people would never find love like that, no matter how hard they look for it.
