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“I like what pregnancy hormones are doing to you.” I said while she was fumbling with my belt, trying to unbuckle it.
“It’s not only that.”
“But?”
“Tonight was…” she sucked in a breath, “Thank you, Garon, I really had fun.”
I pushed a lock of her golden hair behind her ear. “You don’t need to thank me. I like making you happy.” I never cared before about anyone’s happiness, not if they weren’t part of my family, but seeing Pina laugh and glow, it made my heart swell.
“I never wanted to be a Mafia wife.” Her words made me frown. “Grazia, Ariana, they were raised to stand by the side of dangerous men and they were excited to do so. Just look at what my sister did to all of us just to be the woman of a Don, but I never wanted it. I always imagined myself settling with someone working a normal job and getting out of the life.”
I couldn’t explain the rage that took over me at the simple mention of another man in her life.
“I thought you have eyes just for me, that I was the only one you’ll ever want.”
“You were—you are—but I’ve seen so many ugly things in our world, I didn’t understand why women fell in love with it. Now I do.”
“Tell me.”
“Tonight I saw the way people look at you when you walk into a room and the way they look atmewhen I’m with you! You are very powerful. You’re a Caputo.”
“Why do you sound so surprised?”
“I’ve never seen you as one. You were always Garon, my friend. Maybe because you were younger, but I always saw your brothers as boring grown-ups and you the charming young man. You were always a Caputo, of course, but you were never really associated with thefamigliain my head.” She sighed. “Tonight, you were a Mafia man, Garon. Powerful and impressive. Two police officers bowed to you.”
“You liked that?” If she was getting off on my power, I was happy to entertain her fantasy.
“It made me feel proud to be with you, to carry your child.” Her hand touched my face so softly, I almost believed I imagined it. “I was so nervous about what people would say that I got pregnant with you, but I really don’t care. I’m having a child with Garon Caputo and I’mreallyproud of that.”
I listened in silence, letting the words slice through me leaving behind bleeding wounds. She didn’t mean any harm. I couldn’t blame Pina for waking up the lurking demons that laid dormant inside my soul when she didn’t even know they were there, but I couldn’t look at her anymore, so I walked away.
Pina followed me into the living room, but I don’t know what I was aiming for. I couldn’t reach for the whiskey cabinet because I couldn’t get obliviously drunk with her in the house. If something would happen to her, I needed to be alert enough to handle it.
“Garon?”
“Yes.”
“What’s wrong?”
I took a deep breath.
“Nothing.”
Her declaration choked me. She was proud? Of what? I was nothing but a big fraud, hiding behind a secret Fabiano Caputo took to his grave. A secret I was too ashamed and scared to share with anyone, even the people closest to me in the entire world. A secret that had tortured me since my mother died and it forced me to hide inside a bottle of vodka to try and get away from it.
Still, I couldn’t bear the idea of hiding it from Pina. I couldn’t accept her pride and admiration, not when I wasn’t worth any of it. I kept everything hidden from my brothers and my sister because I was a coward, too scared of being pushed to the outside, but I couldn’t do it to Pina. I couldn’t lie to her about something that would eventually affect her life. If that meant she’d leave and take my childandmy peace with her, then so be it, but for once, I wasn’t going to be overwhelmed by anger and fear.
“Are you angry with me?” Pina’s melodious voice broke through the silence and I slowly turned around to look at her face.
“No.” I shook my head violently. “God, no, but I need to tell you some things. Before you go and tell the world how proud you are to be with me, I need to tell you the truth. It might make you change your mind.”
In her infinite gentleness, she grabbed my hands and pulled me to the couch so we could sit together.
“Garon, you’re scaring me. The truth about what?”
“The truth about me. I’m not a Caputo, Pina.” I said it in one breath, because if I’d have hesitated, then I’d have never had the courage to utter it out loud. “Fabiano wasn’t my father.”
“W-what? What are you talking about?” She blinked. “Garon, I’ve known you all my life. Fabiano Caputo—terrible as it was—was your father.”
