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If he’d have punched me in the chest, I would have been less shocked. I tried to step back, but he didn’t let me.
“What?” My voice was only an octave above a whisper.
We said we’d raise this child together and we’ve been… happy. We were together just like Rebeca and Giovani were, or Grazia and Salvatore, but we never made vows, or even promises. I was ashamed to admit how much I’ve been craving him to ask me to be his forever; still, I couldn’t bring myself to yellYES.
“Garon, you don’t have to…”
“Have to? I want to! We’re having a baby girl.”
“Yes, we are.” I smiled, but this time it felt bittersweet. “I want to marry you. There’s nothing I want more, but it’s a lifetime commitment. I want you to want me because of me, not because I’m the mother of your child.”
“What part of what we’re having doesn’t meanlifetimeto you? Pina, do you actually think there’s a hope in hell I’ll ever let you go whether we’re married or not?”
Yes, I did.
“What if you change your mind?”
“Change my mind?” He barked, frowning. “You think I’m going to stray?”
“I don’t know.” I said, feeling guilty, but not sure why. “Will you?”
“Never.” The fervor in his answer was palpable. “I don’t want any other woman. When I saw you in Rome, I thought that maybe God took mercy on me and sent you back to my arms. That’s when I decided you’d be mine forever.”
“You really want to get married?”
“Yes, I fucking do. And we will, woman.”
I laughed. “I didn’t say yes yet.”
“Yeah, well, now I’m not asking. I’m telling you. You’ll be my wife.”
There was something else…
“I’m disgraced; the sister of a whore and daughter of an exiled lieutenant. People know I worked in a brothel.” I just didn’t want him to regret it.
“And I’m a bastard. Do you love me any less?”
“Of course not!” I gasped.
“Good.” He nodded briskly. “You’re the most important person in my life. I would fight the entire world for you and this baby. Now say you’ll marry me.”
I couldn’t help but ask myself if we’d be here if it wasn’t for our baby. Probably not. I loved him with everything in me and I wanted to believe that what he felt was enough, but it wasn’t. I will be by his side as long as he’d have me, but I just know things will change eventually. When his daughter will be in his arms and not growing inside me, will he feel the same about me?
I didn’t want to let him go. I’ll take crumbs of happiness for as long as I can, but I couldn’t let him chain himself to me just because he thought it was the right thing to do. He will regret it after this high passes. He will resent me, and that would kill me.
“No.”
His face transformed with anger.
“What the hell, Pina?”
“We don’t need to get married to raise a baby.”
“We’re not just raising a child! If all I wanted was to raise a child with you, I would have fixed you up in a nice apartment down town and check on you twice a week.”
“I know… I mean…” He was shaking with anger and I lost my breath, “It’s not right. You don’t want to get married and…”
“No, don’t fucking put this on me. I’ve just asked you to be my wife.” He growled. “Stop sugar coating it. You don’t want to marry me, it’s fine.”
