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“I’ve been struggling with the news.”
“Understandable. I had trouble coming to terms with a similar thing when Nico was diagnosed with his eye condition.”
“After finding out about Nico, did you…” I struggle to finish the sentence.
“Think about not wanting kids again?”
My shoulders slump. “Yes.”
“Yup. It was impossible not to after learning my son is going blind because of a condition he inherited from my screwed-up family.”
“There was no way you could have known about some uncle having the same condition.”
He takes a long sip of his drink. “Iknowthat, but parents have a tendency to feel guilty for whatever happens to their kids, whether it’s our fault or not.”
My gaze drops. “I can only imagine.”
“But to answer your original question, I made the choice to get a vasectomy after I found out about Nico’s condition.”
My brows rise. “Really?”
“It felt like the responsible thing to do. If I ever want another child—big emphasis on theif—I’ll pay it forward and adopt.”
“That would make Josefina happy.”
“She would be happy withanygrandchild. She’s been hounding me for years about giving Nico a sibling, and yes, before you ask, she knows about my inability to have kids of my own anymore.” Rafa’s piercing stare makes me feel like I’m being picked apart.
I gather some courage to ask my second question. “Do youthink Julian would care in the long run about not having his own child?”
He takes so long to speak that I worry he won’t bother answering me.
I speak up again. “I’m not sure if he has talked to you about wanting kids of his own or if—”
“Isn’t this something you should be asking him?”
“I have.”
His eyes flicker over my face. “But you don’t trust him?”
“I don’t trust myself, so it’s nothing personal.”
His grip on the beer bottle tightens. “My cousin has his faults, but he is a man of his word, so if he told you he doesn’t care about having biological kids, then he means it.”
My throat dries up.
“But I do remember him mentioning something along those lines a few times over the years.”
“He did?”
“Yeah. He and I don’t open up about our feelings often, but I know enough about his life before I came along to be comfortable saying it was rough.”
My fingers turn white from the way I clasp my hands together. “I was too young to understand how much everything impacted him.”
“Julian is great at channeling his emotions into other things.”
“So I’m learning,” I mutter under my breath.
“I know you don’t believe him, and I don’t blame you. People like you and me…we’re not the trusting type anymore, after being hurt the way we were.” He stares off into thedistance.
