AllFreeNovel
Share Us
We quietly clean up the art studio in relative peace, but I don’t miss the way he glances over in my direction every now and then. The air is stifling with uncomfortable tension that I don’t like. Sometimes, he opens his mouth as if he’s going to say something, but then snaps it shut a second later. Finally, I decide that I have to be the one to start.
“We should talk.”
He doesn’t look up at me or stop what he’s doing, sorting through the different color tubes by the canvases. “About what?”
“Come on. Don’t play like that,” I say, hating that everyone lately likes to bury their heads in the sand. Apparently, it’s unique to this camp. “The kiss.”
The clattering of easels makes me jump as Patrick turns on his heels to face me. His face is red with mortification and his fingers fidget as he awkwardly tries to fix his mess. “Noah, I’m so sorry. I should have asked you before I did that. I didn’t get your consent and that was wrong.”
“Man, it’s okay. Don’t sweat it,” I say, trying to appease him. I head over to help him pick up what he knocked down, and I don’t have the heart to tell him he broke one of the easels. “You’re right that consent is important, but you didn’t make me uncomfortable. I just wanna know what it was about.”
“I wanted to see if I was attracted to you…like that.”
I raise my pierced brow. “And?”
“Nothing.”
“Ouch.”
“Sorry.”
“No, I’m just messing with you,” I laugh, rubbing at his back to assure him. “I’m glad I could clear some things up.”
“It didn’t, actually,” he confesses, huffing as he sits down on a stool. “It made it worse.”
I teeter on my heels. On one hand, he looks like he doesn’t want anything to do with this conversation. Patrick is skittish by nature, but he looks full-on ready to bolt. On the other hand, he’s the closest thing I have to a friend here, so I don’t want something as simple as a kiss to mess with that. “Want to talk about it?”
“I don’t…like I don’t get…” He gulps audibly as he gingerly points to his crotch. “…erect.”
I scrunch my nose in confusion. “What do you mean?”
“For anything,” he says, flustered. “I mean, sometimes I’ll wake up with an erection—”
“Hard on, Patrick,” I snort. “Just call it a hard-on.”
“Yeah, well,that.” He chews on the inside of his cheek as his pale cheeks flush. “I really like Kendall.”
“I noticed.” I think we all noticed. Patrick gets all starry-eyed when she’s around. It’s kind of adorable the way he follows her like a puppy, doing anything she asks, and always being available to her. It’s cute, actually. Borderline creepy, but still.
“And I really like you too.”
I puff out my chest in pride. What? I’m only human. “Well, thanks.”
“But I’m not sexually attracted to either of you. I’ve never really been sexually attracted to anybody. This—” He gestures at my body, making a point to hover specifically over my hips. “—does nothing for me.”
I sit on the stool beside him, resting my elbows on my knees as I try to get him to make eye contact with me. “That bothers you?”
“Yeah, it’s not normal. I’m young and healthy. I should be able to feel…aroused, right?” he asks.
That’s a good question. I’ve never really had to deal with not feeling turned on. Fuck, if anything, I get turned on too easily. Even though my body has aggressively and stubbornly insisted that Jarred’s dick is the only one we want to suck, I will admit that I chubbed up a bit when Patrick kissed me. I’ve never had to deal with wondering if I was attracted to somebody, it’s just always been guaranteed.
This makes me feel a little bit bad for Patrick. I don’t pity him, nowhere near that. It’s just obvious that he’s struggling with this and, at twenty-one, he must be so frustrated to not know this part of him.
“I don’t know, man. There are a lot of colors in the rainbow,” I explain. “Did you ever consider if you were asexual?”
He looks up at me with wide eyes that hide behind his thick glasses. “What’s that?”
“It’s basically what you’re describing, I think? I’m not an expert, but maybe you’re even demi?” I offer. I’m not an expert on all matters LGBTQIA+ but what he’s describing sounds close to something I’ve heard about before. There are people out there who feel emotional love while not being interested in sex. It’s a thing. And if it’s a thing to somebody, it’s valid and real. “You should read up on it, but you shouldn’t let it bother you.”
