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But I can’t deny how much I want this, how much it meant to me, and how desperately I need it to happen again.
It’s so wrong, but God will just have to forgive me.
CHAPTER13
JARRED
“Bryce? What are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be teaching archery?”
I look up at Bryce with confusion. I haven’t spoken to him since the day after he and Noah got into that fight.
Noah. Perfect, beautiful, angry Noah. Noah, who wants something from me I can’t give him. Noah, whose temptation I can’t resist.
I can’t think about Noah right now, not when Bryce is in my office. It’s not that I’m taking Noah’s side, necessarily, but I can’t help but be biased. I’ve always liked Bryce, but there’s something about him this year that’s hitting me the wrong way. Regardless, I smile at him as I wave him closer.
“Sheridan took over for a little bit,” Bryce says, taking a seat across from me. “I was wondering if I could talk to you?”
“Of course. You know my door is always open. What’s the matter?”
“It’s about Noah.”
I gulp, the tips of my ears burning. I cough lightly and try my best to school my features. “What about Noah?”
Bryce sits up straight, exuding a kind of cocky confidence I’ve never seen from him before. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed it yet, but he doesn’t really fit in here.”
“The campers seem to like him just fine,” I say, cocking my head to the side because I’m not too sure where this is going.
“Yeah but…he smokes weed,” he rushes out, clenching his fists in his lap. “Did you know that?”
“No. That’s news to me, but you know I can’t do anything about that without proof,” I lie. I’ve caught Noah smoking before, but I can’t find it in me to care. When I caught him with marijuana that first night, it didn’t even cross my mind to kick him out for it. Even though I would have kicked anyone else out for having drugs.
You’re crossing so many lines for him…
“He smokes cigarettes.”
“A nasty habit but perfectly legal.”
“I mean just…look at him.”
Yeah, that’s the problem, Bryce. Idolook at him. Too much. All the time. He’s gorgeous with his shaggy black hair and too many piercings. I like that he picks at the black polish on his nails. I like that stupid beanie he insists on wearing every day. He’s everything I never knew I wanted. He’s temptation and sin and salvation and charity all together.
Bryce tenses. He obviously didn’t think this was where the conversation was headed. His teeth are grit, his jaw is clenched, and he looks one second away from bursting. I lean forward, concern furrowing my brows. “What’s this about?”
“He assaulted me,” Bryce spits out. “He punched me.”
“From what I gathered of that fight it was mutual,” I say, trying to placate the situation. And it did seem to be an even fight, even with Joshua involved. Christ, Noah is so strong. He’s…stop it. I tune back into Bryce. “We talked about this already, remember?”
Bryce, Joshua, and I did actually discuss this at length. The morning after the fight, I brought both of them into my office. I hate to admit that when I was concerned for Noah and treated his wounds, I just snapped at the other two men. Regardless, I thought this matter was settled and I have no idea why he’s choosing to bring it up again.
“What do you want, Bryce?”
Bryce steels his eyes and raises his chin in defiance. “I want you to kick him out.”
My eyes widen. Kicking Noah out…might be the solution I hadn’t thought of. If I kicked him out, I wouldn’t have to deal with the overbearing and consuming need to resist him. I would have him gone, out of my life, and I’d be in the clear.
But I’d never see him again. I’d never hear that raspy voice of his. I’d never feel the flutter in my stomach at his rare smiles. I’d never feel the way I feel now—anxiety and guilt aside—like someone’s dragged me up into the air and let me free fall.
“Look, Noah might not be our…typical counselor, but he’s here to stay unless he says otherwise. I suggest you two get along.”
