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Bryce swallows harshly, his Adam’s apple bobbing in frustration. He’s seething as he stands, his chair screeching with the force of it. Nonetheless, his tone is polite but curt when he speaks. “Of course, sir. I’m sorry to bother you.”
He leaves my office with tension tightening every inch of him. I should be worried about what he might do to Noah, but that’s not what I’m thinking of.
I literally can’t escape Noah. Even when he’s not around, even when I manage to block him from my mind, he’s right there.
I have to do something about this. Just…just one more sin. One more caving into devilry.
Just one more time and that’s it.
CHAPTER14
JARRED
My fingers are twitching at my sides, and it’s suddenly hard to swallow.
My polo feels too tight on my skin, sticking to my damp chest as I approach the dock. Noah is sitting in the lifeguard’s chair, head thrown back as his pale body takes in the sun’s rays. He looks so freaking majestic like that—bare-chested with his pierced nipples glittering in the sunlight— put up on some pedestal like an altar for me to fall at my feet.
I swallow up my nerves as I approach him, forehead beaded with sweat and heart in my throat. “Noah?”
He notices me then. So very coolly, he leans forward and pushes down his sunglasses with his forefinger. “Yeah?”
“Can you…” I look around and see that all the kids and counselors by the lake are in the water. Regardless, I come closer as I keep my voice low. “Can you meet me at my cabin tonight?”
He cocks his head to the side in silence. For someone so young, he’s mastered that cold aloofness of men twice his age. He bites down on his bottom lip before he nods. “Yeah. I just have to wait for Kendall to do her checks and I’ll be there.”
I give some sort of nod in confirmation and scramble after that. The day drags on at a snail’s pace. My body twitches with every minute that passes. My body is on high alert. The anticipation bubbles and boils and pours over when it’s finally nighttime. I spend my time waiting for him by cleaning up around my cabin—which is already spotless—and then…cleaning myself—which is slightly mortifying.
I have no idea what’s going to happen when he gets here. Will he kiss me again? Lay me down on the bed and make me see stars? Will he tell me that he doesn’t want to keep doing whatever it is we’re doing? Is he going to make me beg him?
I’m impatient and agitated. By the time it hits curfew, I’m a nervous wreck. It doesn’t get any better when a few minutes later, a knock on my door rings through the cabin. I audibly gulp and smooth down the wrinkles on my shirt, clearing my throat as I try to channel even an ounce of calmness.
I open the door and there’s Noah. Perfect, mysterious, and cool Noah. He’s dressed like everything I wouldn’t have thought I wanted—black ripped jeans, a tight band t-shirt, and his duffel slung over his shoulder.
“Hey,” he says, taking a final drag of his cigarette before he tosses it on the ground and stubs it with his boot.
I try to smile, but it probably comes out weird. “Hi.”
“Cold feet?” he asks, gesturing at my fingers that twitch on the door handle.
I shake my head. “N—No.”
“Then why don’t you invite me in?”
I move to the side, giving him the room to come in. He does and sets his duffel bag on the floor. There are no pleasantries exchanged as he approaches me, reaching for my hips and pulling me against him. He’s slightly shorter than I am, so I have to look down at him as he licks his lips.
“You look nervous,” he accurately deduces.
“I am.”
“Why?”
“I’ve never done this before.”
“Done what?”
“Slept with a…” I can’t finish my sentence. A part of me is mortified that I’ve gone through forty-five years of my life and haven’t been with a man. The other stronger part of me is ashamed to admit how long I’ve wanted this. A secret never to be spoken. A shame meant to be denied. A wish never meant to be granted.
But Noah doesn’t want theGod talk. I can appreciate that. He doesn’t want whatever is going to happen to be tainted with ugliness, and I can relate. God doesn’t live here anymore, not right now, and it’s going to stay that way.
