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“So,” I say, clapping my hands together when what I really want is a cigarette. “What do we want to talk about today?”
“Aren’t you supposed to decide?” Polly asks. She’s a sixth grader from South Carolina who’s a little too sassy for her own good.
I gulp and chuckle nervously. They’re just fucking kids. I can do this. “I guess…I haven’t really done this before. I don’t talk about God very often.”
“Why’s that?” Ian asks, pushing his glasses up his nose as he leans forward in his seat.
“Maybe I don’t one hundred percent believe in Him?” I answer honestly with a shrug. “Maybe I felt that all my life, He was just shoved down my throat?”
“If you don’t believe in God, why are you here?” Michael snaps. He’s someone I don’t particularly like. I’ve seen him around camp. He’s one of Patrick’s campers, and the little brat is always correcting him. He’s a bully, and I can say that judging from the way he treats his ‘friends’.
I know it’s weird to dislike children, but I have an arch-nemesis, and he a twelve-year-old with blue braces.
“That’s an excellent question with a long answer.”
“I like that you’re honest with us,” Ian says, smiling gently at me. “Most adults aren’t.”
Polly raises her hand but speaks before I can say anything. “Maybe we can help you find your faith again.”
Okay, this is easy. I can do this. I guess I just have to be honest with them. That’s what this whole thing is about, right? Talking about God? “There are just a lot of things I don’t agree with.”
Chelsea, I think her name is, cocks her head to the side. “Like what?”
“Well, I’m all for abortion. If you’re not ready, you’re not ready. It’s a woman’s choice what she does with her body. Fertility treatments are okay. If people want a baby that bad, they deserve one. And…”
I know it’s not smart to say, but I’m starting to realize that these kids need to know the truth. I don’t want them to think that there aren’t those out there who are different. I want them to understand that the world is a big place full of interesting people and, no matter what their differences are, deserve to be treated the same. They deserve to know multiple points of view. Isn’t the point of education to teach them how to think for themselves? To give them information and let them decide whattheywant to believe?
“Noah,” Kendall interrupts, pulling me out of my own thoughts. She has a worried expression on her face as she looks at Patrick.
“Homosexuality,” I say plainly, rubbing my hands up and down my thighs to give them something to do. “I don’t believe it’s a sin.”
“That’s disgusting,” Michael spits. “A man lying with another man? That’s gross!”
“How? How is loving someone gross?” I argue, keeping my voice even and level. I don’t want them to think I’m preaching to them. I’m just giving them a different side of an infinite argument, something to consider for themselves. “That’s what I don’t get. Doesn’t God preach about love and acceptance? Does it matter who we choose to be with? Why believe in God if His love is conditional?”
“I don’t like where this topic is going,” Polly says, looking uncomfortable in her seat. “God teaches us that it’s a sin for a man to lie with another man.”
“I’m not trying to convince you God isn’t real or that he’s a dick,” I say, trying to appease her. “I’m just speaking what I believe.”
“And what you believe is wrong,” Michael declares, his fists clenched by his sides. “You’re acting as if you’re one of them too.”
“I am. I like both men and women, and I’m still here,” I explain coolly, wondering if they’ve ever knowingly met a gay person in their lives. “God hasn’t smitten me where I stand, has he?”
“Is this where my parents are sending me? Seriously? They would be pissed to hear what you’re saying,” Michael says, his chair screeching against the wooden floor as he stands.
“Maybe we should cut this group short,” Kendall says, rushing into the circle as she holds her hands up in the air. She waves Patrick over with a nervous smile on her face. “Why doesn’t everyone take some extra outdoor time? Patrick can lead you all on a hike.”
“Oh, okay, yeah,” Patrick says, flustered as all the campers look at him. “Um, totally.”
My mouth hangs open as they all leave. Great, so much for my first ministry group. I was just trying to be honest with the kids. That’s all. I just wanted to teach them something new. I don’t think I was forcing my beliefs down their throats, but maybe I was a bit defensive. Maybe I did get a little bit angry.
Why can’t they fucking see it? I know they’re just kids, but why do they have to have so much hate in their hearts? How is that fair to them? How is that fair to anyone?
“What was that?” Kendall barks once they’re all gone, so uncharacteristic of her normally cheerful attitude. “Seriously, Noah?”
“I’m sorry,” I spit, taking my beanie off and throwing it on the floor. “I fucked up, alright? I thought I was doing the right thing.”
“You can’t tell a room full of Catholic children that you’re bisexual,” she says with her hands planted on her hips. I know she’s trying to look menacing, but her pigtails are giving me the opposite effect. “What were you thinking, Noah?”
