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I hate her tone. I hate how condescending she sounds. I hate that she probably hates gay people too. I fucking hate it.
I hate that parents like Jarred’s dad do this to their children. I hate that they make them believe hate is okay. I hate that nobody is doing anything to stop it. I hate the world for just accepting it.
“I’m angry, Kendall. I’m angry that I’m here. I’m angry that their parents and the church are making them believe that being gay is bad,” I admit, my voice rising as my anger increases.
“And that’s your own opinion,” she says calmly. “But these are impressionable children.”
“Kendall—”
“I don’t mean to say that you’re wrong,” she rushes out. “The church says it’s a sin but…I know gay people.”
The way she says it, almost like a hushed secret makes me pause. Still, my retort comes out sarcastic and filled with mocking disbelief. “Really?”
“Yeah,” she says with a roll of her eyes. “The people I know that are gay are nice and kind. They’re my friends. I don’t like thinking that God is going to send them to hell because of who they love.”
“Then why aren’t you backing me up?” I ask, throwing my hands in the air.
“Because this isn’t about you, Noah! It’s about Mr. Walker!” she snaps. “He loves this place more than anything and you’re threatening to have some of these kids go home because of what you said. There’s a way to teach love and forgiveness without doing it the way you did.”
Maybe she has a point. I had been thinking of Jarred but not in that way. I had been thinking that I wished there had been someone there for him when he was thirteen, someone to tell him it was okay to be who he is. Maybe I had been thinking that any of these kids could have been Jarred and all they needed to know was that someone accepted them.
I hadn’t thought about adult Jarred. I hadn’t considered how my words would affect his livelihood. He does love this camp. He made it for his kids, and he prides himself on all that can be accomplished here. Suddenly, I feel like an idiot and a dick.
“I need to warn him, don’t I?” I sigh, dropping my head into my hands.
Kendall clicks her tongue and nods. “I think it’s for the best.”
“Fuck, I really don’t want to,” I say as I pick up my beanie and stand. Fuck, how am I going to explain this to him?
“I wouldn’t either,” she says sympathetically. When I’m about halfway through the pews, she stops me. “Oh, and Noah?”
I turn and raise my brows. “Yeah?”
She places her hands over her heart, letting out a happy breath. “I accept and love you for who you are. I just thought you should know that.”
I guess I needed to hear that. Here I was, vilifying Kendall when all she was doing was looking out for Jarred. She’s the proof right here. The proof that you can be Catholic but still be accepting. She’s the proof that maybe, at the end of the day, there’s still hope for these kids.
And that thought makes what I’m about to do just a little bit easier.
CHAPTER17
JARRED
This is amazing.
As I look through the papers scattered around my desk, I feel a sense of pride in my accomplishments. This year, we have doubled the number of campers we normally take in during the summer. Because of that, we’ll be able to renovate the counselors’ bunks. No, more than that. We’ll even be able to upgrade the showers, and the appliances in the common area, maybe even construct another building.
Normally, this would have been something I shared with Jenny, but I find that now all I want to do is tell Noah. I can already picture the look on his face. He’ll pretend to not care, but there will be pride in his eyes as he talks to me. He’ll kiss me and tell me that it’s great. He’ll show me those little bits of himself that he keeps locked up. It’ll be for me. Just me.
Just like how he was when he fucked me last week. He was a perfect combination of brutal and tender. He opened himself up in the way he took care of me when I told him about my experience growing up. All those disgusting memories came flooding back in but, in his arms, I found that they were easier to deal with.
As if summoned by my own thoughts, Noah walks into my office. He closes the door behind him as he waves, and I stand up to greet him.
“Hey,” he murmurs, giving me one of those half-smiles I’ve come to expect from him.
I, on the other hand, beam at him as I cross my office. Without any prompting, I kiss him. It’s just a quick peck on the lips, but it’s something I wanted to do. I did it for myself. I did it because I could.
“Hi,” I say, feeling a bit sheepish and unsure despite the things we’ve done. “I was just thinking about you.”
