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Finally, once Kendall does her nightly checks, I sneak out of my cabin and head to his place. I knock on the door to his cabin, making sure to check no one is straggling around the most deserted clearing. When he doesn’t answer, I knock again. With a huff, I continue to knock.
“Babe, it’s just me,” I say softly against the door and when I’m about to knock again, it finally opens.
Jarred lookswrecked.
His normally composed blond hair is all over the place. His dark brown eyes are bloodshot as if he’s been crying. He’s all twitchy and flustered as he rushes me into his cabin. Immediately, his hands are on my arms. “What happened?”
“I took care of it,” I tell him, trying to soothe with my soft tone and even softer gaze. “I took care of it just like I told you I would.”
He shakes his head as he worries the inside of his cheek. “But Bryce could still say something.”
“He won’t,” I insist firmly. “If he does, which I doubt he will, I’ll make sure everything is okay.”
“You can’t promise that,” he says, his breaths coming in little uneven bursts. “He could still say something. Everybody would know. I would—"
“I won’t let anything hurt you, Jarred,” I say, cutting him off. I place my hands on his cheeks, rubbing my thumbs against his lower lip. “I mean it. Believe me.”
It takes him a bit. More than a few minutes before he manages to calm down. He leans on me, placing his forehead against mine, his breath hot on my lips as he exhales shakily. “Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.”
I revel in the way he sags against me. I want to take care of him. I want to comfort him. I want to be the person he trusts. I need to know that I have the power to make him feel better. Why? I’m not too sure, but it’s a burning need inside me to make sure that he knows that he can put his faith in me. I won’t let him down.
I want to protect him. Maybe that’s just a quality of mine I never really knew I had until I came here. I want to shield his large body from anybody that would dare hurt him. He’s…precious. He’s kind, sweet, and trusting. He’s a mended soul that just needs someone to be there for him.
However…
“Jarred, don’t freak out but…”
He raises his head with a frown. “I don’t think I like where this is going.”
“What could be the worst thing that would happen if you came out?”
Instantly, he scrambles away from me. His eyes widen as he clutches at his chest. It looks like he’s about to have a heart attack and at his age, I don’t doubt that this would push him right over the edge if he let it. “So, you do think he’s going to say something.”
“No, that’s not what I’m saying,” I say with a shake of my head. “I’m just wondering…what if?”
What if Bryce actually said something? What if I failed? What really could be the worst thing that could happen? I’m not pushing Jarred to come out, but he would be free, wouldn’t he? He wouldn’t have to hide. He wouldn’t have to feel ashamed. He wouldn’t have to be terrified of himself. In the worst-case scenario, we could get through it.
Maybe together.
But that’s not where his head is. He looks like I’ve just slapped him. He’s shaking his head wildly, pacing in front of me as his nails scratch at his wrists. “My life would be ruined. This camp and everything I’ve worked for…gone. That can’t happen. It can never happen.”
Something inside me crumbles a bit. I know it might be ridiculous to think this, especially because it’s only been less than two months, but I could picture this being more. Maybe not right away, maybe not now, but it could be if we let it.
But he’s right. There’s no future here. His life is dedicated to the person he tells everyone else he is. His future is contingent on the lies and shame he carries, and it’s a future I’m not allowed to be a part of.
But fuck it all because I’m going to enjoy every last second I get with him. No matter what. I’ve had a taste of him. I’ve had these stolen moments. I’ve seen how…amazing it all is with him.
I’ll cherish and guard it with everything I have. Even if it means knowing this will end.
“Okay, it was just a question,” I whisper, approaching him steadily as I take hold of both his hands. “None of that is going to happen.”
He nods and chews at the bottom of his lip. He glances up at me through his lashes, so vulnerably broken it makes my insides curl. “Can you…can you stay here with me tonight?”
I smile at him, leaning forward to press the barest of kisses against his lips. “Of course.”
No more words are exchanged as we start to undress. He’s never asked me to stay the night before. After we fuck, it’s always a rush to make sure I’m gone before the sun goes up, but I know he needs this tonight. Fuck, maybe I do too. Maybe I just need to feel close to him.
I slide under the covers, and he automatically turns on his side away from me. I go to do the same until he reaches back and wraps my arm around his waist. I sigh contently as I snuggle into his back, my nose trailing against the back of his neck. Neither of us goes to sleep right away. We just lay there in each other’s arms, breathing each other in, and taking a quiet moment to relish in this reprieve.
