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“Can I help you, miss?” She asks with a false smile on her face.
I gasp and back up against the wall, regaining my breath.
“I’m sorry my lady,”
“No,” I say, holding up a hand. “It’s fine, I’m alright.”
“Can I help you find something?” She asks again.
“Carmichael,” I say, out of breath. “Is he here?” I ask in between breaths.
“I haven’t seen him myself, but I will see if I can find him,” She said with another false smile. I smile graciously in return, wondering if she could tell my distaste for their fake kindness.
“Thank you.” I say kindly.
As she walks away, I turn my attention back to the corridor. She may not even try to find him, knowing that I’m a lowly human. I continue to search each room and crevice to no avail. Defeated, I make my way back to the library.
“My lady.” The butler says, standing by the library doors.
“Butler!” I say excitedly as I approach him. “Is Carmichael here? I need-“
The butler places his hand on my shoulder lightly. “He is, my lady, but he does not wish to speak at this moment.”
“Doesn’t wish to speak?” I say, irritated at the thought of him refusing to talk to me. “Why?” I ask, trying to calm the rage rising in my chest.
“My lady, I-“
“No! He’s been gone for weeks. I need answers about my family. I need,”
“Diane.” The butler says firmly. “The Duke has just returned from a tiring mission, and he must regain his strength. He will be with you when he is rested.”
I roll my eyes. What the Duke needs. A mansion and riches can’t compensate for being treated like a second-class citizen, even though I am a second-class citizen to them.
“Well, when will he be ready?” I ask, placing my hands on my hips. The very least I could do was seem somewhat demanding.
“That I don’t know, my lady,” The butler says, sighing. “In the meantime, why don’t I fix you some breakfast?”
Food is the last thing I want right now. To take part in any of their offerings seems like an insult to my family. Winter is coming, and I need answers about them now.
“No thank you, butler,” I say calmly. “I think I’ll rest in my room.”
I walk down the hallways towards my room, my mind racing. I should be at Eris house, frantically sewing clothes for my mother and brother. I should be preparing them for the cold, dressing them in whatever furs I could find in the marketplace.
Lowtown death rates skyrocket in the winter. Without proper planning, the cold can overtake our residents in a second. I think of those we’ve lost to the wretched season and feel my stomach cramp harshly. I hunch over in shock.
I never feel sick from thoughts. I’ve been eating well here, better than I have most of my life. I think of the library chair I slept in last night and wonder if the positioning had been bad for my body.
I haven’t slept well in days. Though I fall asleep and stay resting for the recommended number of hours, I never feel rested. I don’t dream anymore, either. My nights used to be filled with fantasies of living in far away lands. Now that I’m in one, it doesn’t quite feel like a dream.
Closing the doors to my chambers, I shiver. I notice my window is slightly ajar, letting in the cold air. I shiver as I undress, laying my clothes on the nearby dresser. I climb under the sheets and wrap myself up in them as I did when I was young. There was always a sense of safety in my bed.
I think of Miranda Holt, my childhood best friend. Memories flashed through my mind of showing up to our usual meeting spot at the agreed time, only to wait for hours. I remember going home with a sad ache in my chest.
I recall walking to her house the next morning, only to find the town gathered around their house. Frostbite, they said. Her parents and boy brother had perished along with her. I cried for weeks.
I couldn’t let that happen to my family. I wouldn’t. I know that Carmichael had to feel something the other night. If I could play on his emotions and plead for an answer, maybe I would get one.
My stomach cramped again as I writhed in the sheets, stifling a scream. As my muscles relaxed, I sighed. I had never gotten sick before. The cold never affected my bodily processes.
