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I’m infatuated. In love. My heart beats for him and him only.
Yes, this is true, but the realization still shakes something within my core. Sweat builds up on my forehead, and I feel hot with something I cannot name. Searing blood fills my cheeks and makes them burn. My own hands, weak, fragile, knobby, unlike Peliel’s large and strong ones, shake like crumpled leaves.
Perhaps what I also am is mad. Should I be this obsessed with a man – no, not a man – who can blind me for committing the smallest slight towards him? Who can fly up and drop me, ensuring my death at the hands of gravity? Who I know, despite not having seen it with my own two eyes, can cause an apocalyptic massacre?
Who not only can do those things if he wished but has done so once before?
Yes, yes, I am a little bit mad.
But that does not take away from the unexpected gentleness of this evening, and it certainly doesn’t take away from the cure that he has given me with his presence. I am no longer lonely, and just for that reason, he deserves all the love I can give him and more.
He looks at me, glowing like a star, and tilts his head.
“Are you alright?” he asks. “You look ill.”
I have to swallow even though my mouth is dry. Do I tell him? Surely not, it’s too soon. If he leaves because he is frightened by my feelings, or worse, disgusted, I will be alone. I do not think I could survive being alone again.
Besides, with this little bit of madness comes a bit of uncertainty. I cannot confess unless I am sure of my feelings.
“Don’t worry,” I tell him. My voice is soft. I don’t want to ruin the tender moment between us. “I’m only tired. Could we go to bed?”
“Of course, let’s get you some much-needed rest.”
He leads me to his chambers with his large hand on the small of my back, guiding me. It feels protective, almost possessive, and I want to press myself against it.
No, no. I can’t let myself get too greedy, not yet.
He crowds around me when we reach the smaller room though, heat coming off his body in waves so thick that it resembles a blanket.
“You can sleep in here,” he murmurs, leaning down so his voice is right next to my ear. “It is safe and warm.”
“Will you stay with me?” I dare to ask, the moment of silence before he chooses to respond feels as long as an eternity.
“Of course.”
He ushers me forward toward the extravagant pile of pelts and furs. Tlouz is as cold as ice at night but between Peliel, these blankets, and my own hot feelings, I have no doubt I will be able to keep myself warm.
Peliel watches me as I get comfortable, standing tall at the foot of the pile. “You’re enjoying yourself here,” he says. I know it is not a question, though others may think it to be so. He’s so good to be able to know how I am just from looking at me. So good for asking in an oddly roundabout way, anyway.
I stare back at him, cozy, protected, and loved, or rather, filled with love. “I do.”
“Good, good.” He kneels and crawls on top of the furs until he is on top of me. I feel his warm breath on my face. When he ghosts his lips over my forehead, I hold my breath.
“Goodnight, Arie,” he says. “Sleep well.”
Peliel climbs off me then, even though I don’t respond. I can’t, my mouth is too dry. Then he pulls me into my arms. He’s hundreds of times hotter, softer, and more comforting than any of these furs. Despite the emotions welling up in my chest, I feel myself growing sleepier by the second.
This is the first time I’ve been able to go to bed without a hole in my chest ripping apart my soul and mind. My mother would be happy that I have found company like this, I hope. At the very least, she would be content that I am happy.
And I am. It’s strange to admit the joy fluttering inside me, but it's true.
My eyes slip closed even as a smile remains on my face, and I can only hope I will be blessed with the nicest of dreams for the revelations I’ve had today. It’s already the nicest liedown I’ve had since…
Whispers in my ear wake me up much later. I slept long enough that it takes a moment for my eyes to open. I have to rub the sleep out of them, and I wonder if it’s just Peliel talking to himself. I don’t feel his warmth next to me, but perhaps he’s gotten up to walk around?
“Arie…”
I shoot up, ice running down my veins. Any inkling of sleep gets pushed out by the rush of memories.
