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“Mother?” I call out. I would never forget her voice, not even in these past few fog-addled years. “Where are you?”
“I’m here, Arie. I’ve always been here.”
The words send a shock down my system. Has she really? The thought of it is enough to make my chest hurt. If she’s been here, then have I been the one who’s abandoned her this entire time? I’ve spent all these years in agony after her death. The mere suggestion that it’s been my fault this entire time is enough to drag me down to whatever afterlife there is to plead for forgiveness.
I throw off the furs that still cover my body and stand on shaking legs. “I’m coming now, Mother! I’m coming, please just tell me where you are, okay?”
“I’m here…”
Her voice has gotten farther away in these past few moments, and it scares me. I run toward the end of the room without looking back to see if Peliel is there. He would understand, surely, if he finds me gone.
It’s my mother. I need her.
I leave our room, and I swear I see her. She stands far away from me with her arms outstretched, and my vision blurs. Tears fill my eyes as I sprint toward her, but when I’m just a few steps away, she’s gone.
“Mother! Mother, please!” I scream. It’s cold without her here, and I want her back. “I’ve missed you.”
A caress on my cheek, I turn toward it, but there’s nothing there.
“Come find me, Arie.”
“Anything,” I sob. “Anything for you, Mama.”
I walk and I walk and I walk. I never put on a coat or shoes, I don’t even remember leaving the cave, but I walk nonetheless. The thought of seeing her again is enough to keep my body going. Every time she speaks to me, I get a little more confident, a little more determined.
“Speak to me!” I call out after she’s been silent for a moment. “Tell me where you are!”
I know I’m getting closer. I can feel it by how warm it's getting. Her hugs always used to protect me from the coldest of nights in our cave, and her touches are getting more corporeal. I feel her. She’s here.
I just have to find her.
She taps my shoulder, and I turn on instinct and begin to walk again. It feels as though an arm has been thrown over my shoulders to hold me while I walk towards her. Is she being held captive, I wonder? How can she do this? In the end, it doesn’t matter because it means I’ll have gotten her back.
“You’re so close, my dear,”she whispers both in my ear and a thousand miles away.“So close.”
“I know. I can feel you.”
“Soon we’ll reunite, darling.”
“I’ll never leave you alone again, Mother.” I rub my eyes. They’re so dry despite the tears falling down my face. “I hope you can forgive me.”
“I’ll always forgive you, Arie.”
I put one step in front of the other, carrying the weight of my guilt with me but not letting it slow me down. If enduring this marathon is what it takes to see her again, I’ll do it. I’ll do it a thousand times over.
I just hope I get to see her face soon.
19
PELIEL
Iawaken to find myself alone. Unsure as to why, I look around to see where my dear pet has gone off to. Where could she be?Perhaps she’s off wandering the halls or talking to the rocks again,I conclude. But I desire her presence, so whatever she may be doing must end. In an attempt to find her, I call out her name.
“Arie?”
No response.
How dare she not respond to me when I call her?I think. I call out to her again, louder this time.
