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Hastily, I take flight once again. The sands below blast away from the force of my wing's gale. With each passing moment, I come closer to finding her. Not a single second must be wasted.
Now that I know which way she is going, it is only a matter of time before I rescue her from her poor decision to leave me. I soar away in the direction the prints were facing. All the eyes upon my body search the surrounding region.
It will not be long before I find her, I imagine. When I do, I will have to punish her again. The thoughts of all the things I aim to do to her body to teach her to never leave without my permission again swirl around my mind. I cannot wait to get her back.
I recall that this portion of my territory is particularly full of violent beasts. That does not mean she is in danger, but I find myself worrying. The anger inside of me begins growing, but this time, it is not entirely aimed at her.
If something has happened to her, I will not relent my fury until all that has harmed her has perished and turned into ash. I will relish in the destruction of anything that dares to touch what is mine.
My wings flap furiously as I increase my speed, my desire to find her growing with each passing second. The light of my body burns hotter and brighter. If she is not hurt now, she will be once I am finished with her punishment. I will have what is mine, no matter what.
20
ARIE
“I’ve finally found you, Mother!” I call out. Glee fills my chest, and I already feel so warm.
When she smiles at me, I forget what sadness feels like. The ache in my soul is gone, and I feel blessed. She says nothing, just opens her arms to pull me into her embrace. I run towards her, just like I did when I was a little girl.
I launch myself at her, waiting for her to spin me around and laugh, except –
I fall into the embrace of the red-hot sand, and I realize with mortification filling my bones and clarity clearing my senses that she was never there. Pulling myself upwards, I still swivel my head around like a fool, looking for her, but she is not there.
It’s so hot.
What I had come to think was my mother’s love was nothing more than the sun’s harsh, violent heat. Its rays beat down on my skin with no small amount of cruelty, like it’s taunting me for my moment of weakness. I dare to look up at it, trying to find answers. I find nothing except a bright, hot mass willing to blind me for my mistakes.
“Please,” I beg. “Have mercy.”
Nothing answers me for a long, agonizing moment, and I realize I’ve been tricked.
“Trinity…” I smack my dry lips together. I know this is her doing, the trickster goddess she is. “You’ve really forsaken me this time.”
She is a terrible one, that god, but she has never hurt me in ways such as this. I can survive a fake oasis, tempting me with its greenery and fresh water. I can survive the shiny specks of gemstones and gold that she will embed within the walls of caves and within the sand. I could even survive the voices that she provides, making me think that salvation from isolation is near.
I cannot survive thinking that my mother has returned to me, only to be taken away again.
My eyes burn with betrayal. I’m sure she must be laughing, wherever she is.
“Your mother’s been dead for years, Arie,”I can imagine her saying with her teasing voice and bell-like laughter.“You really fell for that?”
Anger fills up my chest. “Of course, I did!” I yell. “She’s my mom, I wanted – She was here.”
Except she wasn’t, was she? Trinity took advantage of my happiness and vulnerability, leading me to believe that- That miracles could happen to someone like me.
I frown, guilt and shame roiling in my belly. Perhaps that's just hunger. When was the last time I ate?
Was I not past these delusions? Isn’t happiness supposed to be the cure for ailments such as these? Peliel was the salve for my aching heart. The hope that his company imbued in my soul should have been enough to cure these fantasies.
I freeze at that moment, thinking about Peliel.
What will he think? He’s going to be furious, surely, thinking me a traitor, deserter, and a fool all in one. Perhaps he’ll punish me again, make me see the error of my ways with acts so horrible I can’t even think of them without feeling sick. I realize, though, that nothing that he could do would be as bad as him leaving me for this.
“If I have lost him…” I murmur. “I will have nothing.”
I lose myself then.
The sun moves across the sky, and my shadow follows its path along the ground. Sand pelts my flesh and burns me, leaving welts that I cannot feel because somehow my body just feels cold and empty. I grip the grains in my fists, and I find that I do not have the energy nor the moisture to be able to cry. Seconds, minutes, and hours pass, and they feel inconsequential. I could have been there for days on end, and I would not be able to tell because this is my nightmare. Peliel leaving me would be the final crack to pull me under.
