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I could easily become Casey’s sweet submissive girlfriend.
I was feeling nasty, something deep bubbling inside me. Was he really any different than Myrddin?
Maybe if I made them all hate me, I would get what I wanted. Oblivion.
Or I’d go back to Myrddin and take what he’d given me before and not care. I could sink into the addiction of not having to be me.
“There’s nothing to talk about. You’re all fools if you think you can find my soul and stuff it back inside me and I’ll be some happy girlfriend again.” I knocked back the drink, the alcohol burning its way down my throat.
“I don’t think you’ll be happy,” Casey corrected. “I think you’ll finally be able to heal.”
“There’s no healing, Casey.” I forced myself to move away from him. Sinking into another addiction wouldn’t help me any.
I could be by myself. Hell, maybe I would go wherever the house was going. Maybe I could find a painting and fall into it and all my problems would be solved. I could find that witch plane Kelsey had talked about, the one where they enslaved men. I could be happy there.
Not without your soul, you can’t.
“There’s not any healing at all if you reject your soul.” Casey’s arms crossed over his chest as he studied me. “It’s not gone. I know you think it is, but it doesn’t work that way. I’ve been studying and I know we can find it. Myrddin can say he used it for fuel all he likes, but he cannot destroy a soul. A soul is sacrosanct. As far as I can tell it’s the only thing in all the planes that is indestructible. So we need to figure out where it’s hiding. I wish it had come to me, but I’m not a good vessel. Apparently all I can handle is my own.”
“Like it would go to you,” I said under my breath.
“You’re afraid. I get that. Liv, whatever you say to me now, it doesn’t count because you’re not you. You’re the scared child part of you. The traumatized part that can’t process another moment of terror.” His expression had gone sympathetic. “I understand that. Just remember when I do find that piece of you and you’re whole again that you don’t have to ask me for forgiveness. It’s yours. My love, my forgiveness, they’re always yours. I hope you find it in you to forgive me, too.”
“For leaving me? For always thinking the worst of me?” I wanted to push him. I felt bad about what I’d done to Kelsey, and here I was doing the same to him.
I was a live wire of anger and hate, and I couldn’t stop myself.
They were the reason my world crumbled twelve years ago, and they’d done the same fucking thing to me when they’d taken me prisoner. I’d been strong, and they’d made me weak.
“Yes,” he replied, not reacting at all to my bile. “For all of those things. For not seeing how much you needed back then. For not fighting harder to find you that day. For being angry when there was no place for that between us. I’ve thought about this, Olivia. I’ve pretty much done nothing but think about this for the last few weeks. I love you. That is the truth of my life. I can’t force that to be the truth of yours, but I will ensure that when you decide, you’ll be whole.”
“Fuck you, Casey,” I said and started to move for the doors. I would go back to my room and maybe get totally lost. Anywhere was better than here.
When the house moved, I would be ready, and they would never see me again. I wouldn’t go back to Myrddin. I would do exactly what I’d just thought. I would move to the outer planes and live alone. No one would make me feel anything again.
My escape was stopped by the little demon who’d been around so much. She burst into the room.
“My lady?” She looked around the salon, obviously out of breath.
“She’s already gone, Crizzelo,” Casey said, dropping to one knee so he was roughly eye level with her. “Has something happened? Lord Sloane and the rest have left for Lucifer’s realm.”
The hellhounds perked up all of the sudden, as though they’d caught a scent and it was something they liked. Even Hercules got to his feet, his tail starting to wag.
“Tix is gone as well?” Crizzelo asked, biting her bottom lip.
“He went with them,” Casey acknowledged.
Crizzelo wrung her hands together, anxiety obvious. “But his mother is here.”
The hounds started to bounce up and down.
“Hello?” a feminine voice said.
And then the doors were opening, and I felt my jaw drop.
I knew that woman and her name wasn’t Lilith.
Nimue. Nimue walked in and dropped to her knees in her flowing gown. Her hair reached her waist, and a smile broke over her as the hounds nearly tackled her. “My babies. What happened to you? Oh, my loves. Who did this to you?”
