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A brow rose over intelligent eyes, and I felt a bit pinned by the vampire’s gaze. “Shouldn’t he have been more afraid of his master’s wrath? If what you say is true and Myrddin didn’t want Lee dead.”
“Alexander could be foolish at times.” I could come up with a million reasons. “I’m sure he was thinking about his position as a spy. If Lee lived, he wouldn’t have been as valuable.”
But Lee was valuable. That was what Myrddin had told her. Especially with Donovan back on the plane. He was in a human form and more easy to handle, but his death would bring Donovan’s vengeance. Though he wasn’t Fae, with Quinn back and willing to share his blessings, the Fae armies—especially the brutal Unseelie—might have been talked into war.
“Or it could have been an accident,” I allowed.
“So your master leaves valuable weapons around?” Sasha asked, waving a hand blithely around. “Is there an armory where anyone can check out a weapon? Do you sign for it? How long is the loan-out period on a weapon made from Lucifer Morningstar’s bones?”
Of course there wasn’t. Something was building inside me, a noxious combination of rage and helplessness and what felt like endless darkness. “I don’t know what happened, but it wasn’t Myrddin. You’re looking for any excuse to fight.”
He shook his head. “I don’t need an excuse to fight, Olivia. I had it the minute your master took my king’s crown and sentenced his children to death. I think you’re looking for any excuse to stay the course because you know if you open your eyes you will have to deal with all the guilt of your actions over the last decade. I know how that feels. If it helps at all, I don’t blame you. I think we’re very alike. I had to die to find my redemption. I had to step in front of a bullet meant for my brother. I call him my brother, though we don’t share blood. Time and experience can be as much a maker of family as DNA. Think about that when you’re attempting to find a way to escape. Think about the fact that perhaps you already have, and it’s time to find a way to ask your family for forgiveness. That won’t be the hard part. The hardest part is forgiving yourself. It is not your fault they took your magic. It is not your fault they violated your soul. It is your fault for how you handled it.”
I was so glad I didn’t cry anymore. The impulse was there, like a phantom limb. I could feel it under the surface of my skin, but it couldn’t well up and release. It was trapped with all the other human emotions I’d given up when I’d let Myrddin pull a piece off my soul.
“I don’t need to forgive anyone. I owe no one.”
“Think about it.” Sasha started for the door. “Hell is an odd place, from what I hear. Sometimes it’s what you make of it, and our pasts can come to light in different ways. I know you will not believe this, but I wish you luck, Olivia Carey.”
He turned away, and I didn’t understand him or his purpose. “Why? Why would you wish me luck? I wouldn’t have saved you, you know. I would have done anything to learn all of your secrets.”
He turned slightly, and there was a weary look on his face. “I know this and I still wish you well because I heard all the stories about you. About how brave you were. About how kind and loving. Something terrible happened to you and you’re angry at that woman, the woman you used to be. I was, too, even though I could not remember him. When you forgive yourself, you can find a new you. One with all the will you have today and the love that filled you then. Your true power never left you. You gave it away. So make the decision to get it back.”
He turned and walked out, and I tried to punch my hand through a wall.
That was warded too. All I got was pain.
Story of my life.
Chapter Four
Kelsey
I made it back to my house and was walking up the stairs as Sasha was walking out.
We don’t do locks in Frelsi. It’s kind of weird that people walk in and out, but that’s the human part of me. On a werewolf compound there’s no real privacy. Packs are always up in each other’s business. It’s probably because their senses are so good that locks and alarms aren’t needed to know a threat is coming.
Or when to not open that door because you’re going to see way too much behind it.
I didn’t even ask the vampire what he was doing here. I was far too worried about Dean, and there was only one person who would know what kind of spell the Profane would use to assassinate a target like Lee.
I had to hope that she was willing to talk.
I rushed up the stairs and found her cradling her hand.
I shook my head. “What did you do?”
Her eyes came up, shooting fire my way. “Nothing that matters. What the hell do you want, Kelsey? I’m sick of every single person you know coming in here to feed me propaganda. If you’re back to give me more lies about my master, save it. I’m not listening anymore.”
I didn’t have time for her damage. “What would you use if you wanted to kill a vampire?”
“A stake is always handy.”
“I mean a spell.”
Her eyes narrowed. “What happened?”
I wasn’t sure I should tell her, but I also didn’t see a way around it. I didn’t think she was going to consider hypotheticals. I also had to tiptoe around a couple of truths since my bestie looked a bit overstimulated. “Someone tried to kill Lee.”
