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Chapter Nine
Liv
An hour after Lucifer Morningstar had let me know what my place in the world was, I stood in my cell, overlooking the magnificent gardens. The moon was high in the sky now, and I’d already watched two big wolves run off toward the bioluminescent forest in the distance.
Trent and Fen. They’d been playing like puppies, and I’d wondered what it would feel like to walk in those woods, to chase after them knowing nothing could harm me because I was with my friends.
Except I’d been with my “friends” when I’d been violated.
I was also wondering if I’d made a mistake by turning down Lucifer’s kindly offer to put me out of my misery by slashing my throat.
“Hey, come down to the lab with me.” Casey’s hands were on my shoulders.
If I fought him, I would merely look ridiculous. It’s not that I wanted his hands there. It’s not like I felt the impulse to lean back against his strength and feel like things might work out. I simply didn’t want to look silly, and he seemed so good at making me look that way. “I should stay up here.”
I felt him kiss my hair. “So you can find new ways to keep me out?”
At least I’d made one decision. “I’ve thought about this. Why should I bother? I’ve decided I should use you on a sexual basis, and when you think you have me in your thrall, that’s when I’ll be able to slip away.”
He chuckled, the sound reverberating across my skin in the most pleasant fashion. “You think I want to fuck you?”
It came out teasing, but I still went stiff in his arms. The truth of the matter was he probably didn’t. He was playing me. He likely had no real honest desire for this version of me. “Guess you don’t like the new look. You always were a bit vanilla in your tastes.”
He stepped back and turned me around, looking down into my eyes. “I think you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. You were when you had hair that had all the colors of autumn in it, when your eyes were warm and your skin was golden tan because you love to sit out in the sun. And I think you’re beautiful now. Do you want me to show you? I can. I’m always ready around you, and like I said, it’s been over twelve years…”
That idiot was leaning in to kiss me. To really kiss me. If he kissed me, I would remember every instant of what it felt like to be wrapped around him. To be weak and powerless. To have him promise to protect me every time I tried to use my powers.
He would tell me to stop. That I didn’t need them because he would never let anyone hurt me again.
I pushed him away because I couldn’t be that Liv, the one he wanted. The one he’d seemed determined to make me into back then. Helpless. Weak. Dependent on him.
“I’m not going with you, and we don’t need to talk about your nonexistent sex life.” I turned away from him.
I was feeling the lack of daily demon blood. Whatever Evan had given me hadn’t lasted, and I needed more. Though I was surprised it wasn’t more physical. Before when I’d been deprived, I’d started to shake after a full day. This was more a hunger pain than desperation.
“How are you going to lull me into a false sense of security if you don’t actually sleep with me?”
I couldn’t see him, but I knew the look on his face. He would be giving me a slight frown, one that told me to push further, go deeper.
I had said those things. “Maybe I’ll keep you on my string.”
He sighed, and I heard him walk to the door. “It’s okay. You can hide for a little while longer. I don’t guess you want to tell me what Lucifer did to you? I’ve heard he’s in the dining hall. I could go and maybe get a sucker punch in before he sets me on fire.”
“Or you can write a song about what a massive asshole he is,” I countered before thinking.
He chuckled. “Yeah, I could do that. Seriously, I’m here if you want to talk.”
I didn’t. I couldn’t tell him that Lucifer had laughed at the idea of Myrddin sending him for me. I couldn’t tell him how alone that made me feel. Abandoned. Like he’d abandoned me.
“All right, baby. I love you. I’ll be down in the lab if you get curious and want to help me autopsy a demon cat. Sometimes I wish I hadn’t learned things from Henri. I really should have had Hugo as a mentor. The law stuff doesn’t require me to extract brains.”
Only because he hadn’t practiced the right type.
It struck me suddenly that I hadn’t seen my parents in years. Twelve, to be exact. I’d been told that to keep them out of the war, I’d have to stay away. It was dangerous for them.
Had I abandoned them? I hadn’t fought the Coven House matriarch when she’d told me they’d been placed under a spell that would allow them to remember they had a daughter but not have any impulse to see me.
“Good morning, Evan,” Casey was saying. “Are you okay?”
