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When I get myself under control, Brandon dabs under my eyes, cleaning my face. “You did what you could, Benjamin.”
I groan, thinking of how only Rome calls me by my full name. “Why did you call me that?” I make another weird noise in my throat when he smiles down at me. “Did I tell you Rome calls me that?”
“Might have mentioned it.” His cheeky smile has me picking up a couch pillow and hitting him with it. He laughs, bending to kiss my forehead. “Sorry, I wanted to stop you from wallowing when you did all you could for the child.”
“Tanner,” I supply, realizing I hadn’t told Brandon his name.
“Yes, Tanner. You did what you could. I’m sure he appreciates what you did, helping out with that store clerk and getting him a hot meal.”
I agree, figuring that I have no other plan but to walk the streets of Fair Falls until I drag Tanner to my apartment, kicking and screaming. I want him to come to me when he needs help, but my mind can’t shake that I should have done more. Probably insane that I want a random kid to move in with me, but I have a feeling he’s harmless. He could have really hurt that store clerk who chased him if he wanted to. That man was no spring chicken and was practically wheezing when he caught up with Tanner.
Nothing to be done about it now, unfortunately. I don’t even know where to start looking for him.
“Okay, now, what about your appointment? Benji, he didn’t say there was a zero percent chance. He just said—”
“His words were, he doesn’t want me to get my hopes up. What else could that mean?”
Brandon shrugs, pushing my hair back from my forehead. “It could mean that there’s still a chance. Don’t be so skeptical. You never know what could happen.”
I wave him away. “I’m going to do what the doctor told me and not get my hopes up. I don’t think I could take it if I went through every heat thinking there’s a chance. I can’t … I can’t take that.”
My best friend’s face softens and he says, “I get it. Whatever you want to do, I’m here. You know that, right?”
“Of course. Why do you think I rushed over here after my crap day? You’re always there for me.”
He kisses my forehead gently. “Good. Now, on to Rome. What happened there? He yelled at you?”
“Ugh, yes.” I throw my hand over my eyes, still feeling an ache in my chest because of it. Like my soul took a beating because he raised his voice and insulted me. Not like he hasn’t done it before. It just hit harder this time. “Then he said he’s going to call me tonight so we can talk about us … being … ya know …”
“Fated mates? It’s not a dirty word, Benji. I think him calling you is a great idea. He needs to apologize for being a dick.” I see a cautious look cross his face before he asks, “Did you think, maybe him yelling at you was hard for him too?”
I sit up so quickly, I’m lightheaded. “Hard for him too? How is that possible? He’s the one that did it.” As the words are leaving my mouth, I know it’s true. When I was telling him off, my heart felt like it was cracking in half. I had no issue doing it before I knew he was my mate, so I’m wondering if it’s something in the knowledge that he’s my mate that makes it different.
Brandon pats my arm. “I know he is. But when I get upset with Mason, I hate it. We talk and straighten it out, but it feels terrible. I can imagine he felt the same. And look, I know that having a fated mate is weird. There are rules and shit we don’t understand. I think you two fighting it like you are is making it harder.”
Pulling my legs under me, I drag his throw blanket from the back of the couch, picking at the loose threads. “I’m not fighting it.”
Brandon raises an eyebrow. “No? Then why didn’t you tell Rome what was going onbeforeyour appointment?”
“You know why,” I say with a little attitude.
“I do … and I don’t.” When I give him an incredulous look, he scoots closer to me. “Hear me out. I think if you had told him, he could have been there for you during your appointment. And he could have comforted you. I don’t think you’re used to depending on people.” I open my mouth to dispute it but Brandon talks over me. “You remember how, after your surgery, you didn’t call me or tell me what was going on?” I lower my head in shame.
When Brandon got fired from his job all those months ago, I kicked him off the couch he was wallowing on and told him he needed to clear his head. Well, in that time, he got stuck in the snow, almost froze to death, and met his fated mate. Months prior to that, I knew I had Weylet’s and that I was getting surgery but didn’t tell him. It took him coming back home after a few weeks with his mate—the day after my surgery—for him to see me in my sorry state of recovery. Even then, I didn’t want him to help, afraid that he would get sick of me for being needy and leave.
It wasn’t until weeks after that he knew exactlywhatsurgery I was recovering from. So, Brandon may have a point. Maybe.
I huff, crossing my arms over my chest. “Okay. Maybe. But I was going to tell him. I told myself I would when I was walking back to work. Before I ran into Tanner. Then that happened and I was late and …” Sighing, I lean back against the couch. “I don’t know, Brandon. I don’t know what to do. I’m really fucking lost.”
My bottom lip trembles, but I clamp it down. I’ve done enough crying today.
“Mason!” Brandon yells, making me jump.
His mate comes from the room, a sleeping Zane on his shoulder. “I was just putting him down,” he whispers. “What’s up?”
“We’re going to get drunk tonight. Are you fine with keeping Zane?”
Mason gives Brandon a dry look. “When am I ever not fine? There’s wine in the kitchen and plenty of chest milk for Zane when he’s hungry.” Mason turns to me. “You okay, Benji? Need me to beat someone’s ass?”
