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Ineed to remember. There is something I need to remember.
I can’t trust her. I can’t trust her. What if she’s the reason I got this way?
Amara practically wrenched her hand out of mine after I asked her to stay. Holding onto her was nice. Her skin is slightly calloused but still soft.
But I didn’t grab her arm because I wanted to feel her. I want her to stay with me because I can’t trust that she won’t do anything nefarious to me once she’s out of my sight.
I can’t trust her.
I am too weak to get up and follow her around.
I feel weak all over.
I do not just feel weak because of my wounds and injuries. I feel weak because there is a gap in my head where my life should be.
I know, instinctively maybe, that I have lived a full life.
I know that as an orc, in my clan I held a position of power.
Maybe I was a chieftain? No. That doesn’t feel right. If only I could remember my clan’s name.
“Where are you going?” My voice is loud and demanding. Something inside me, maybe an errant memory that has crossed the gap in my mind, tells me that it probably isn’t nice to shout at someone who has only tried to help you.
But I don’t want her to leave me. I want to know what she’s doing. And I don’t want to be alone.
Because being alone means that I have to sit with just myself, a person who I do not really know anymore.
I don’t want to be alone. I don’t want to be without her.
The truth is, at this moment, I am completely reliant on Amara, and the thought irks me.
I am an orc. And one thing I am quite sure of is that I am more powerful than she is.
The first thing I saw on her face when I woke up for the first time was fear.
She thought I was going to attack her. Clearly, my species has the upper hand over humans. That is the only logical thing to deduce from her fear.
“I’m going to get your medication.” There is an obvious annoyance in her voice. Again, I am reminded that her life is solitary. She probably never has to explain her actions to anyone.
She probably never thought she’d have to explain herself to an orc.
“And you need to rest,” she tells me. I look around when I hear a low rumbling reverberating around the room.
“And stop growling!” she tells me over her shoulder as she walks away.
I know that I need to rest. Physically, I am weaker than Amara right now.
But the thought of lying in bed all day makes me want to scream with frustration. I don’t know why, but right now I feel like I should be moving around.
Maybe it is instinct. From my life before. Before I lost my memories.
I stay in bed, albeit unwillingly, but I crane my head to follow Amara’s movements and see what she is doing.
She starts by stoking the hearth and then walks outside.
My heart flutters in my chest.
She could leave at any time and not come back. And I’d be left all alone with the wolves.
