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London
I’m so damn nervous that I don’t know what to do. My stomach is a tangle of nerves, and I swear I just broke out in a cold sweat. What if I stink? That’s not sexy. Do I have time for a shower? Oh, God, he’ll want to have shower sex, and that doesnotsound fun to me at all.
How do you tell the sexiest man alive, who obviously wants in your pants and thinks you’re sexy, too, that you haven’t actuallyhadintercourse since before you had your ten-year-old kid?
“This room is seriously so pretty.” I know I’m being ridiculous, but I skitter away from him when he closes the door behind us, and I make a beeline to the balcony that overlooks the pool and the river below, taking big gulps of the fresh air. The sun set long ago, but I can hear the rush of the water, and the pool area is lit up but empty. “Maybe we should go for a swim. It looks like we’d have the whole place to ourselves.”
I feel Drew press himself to my back, and his arms circle around me while his lips land on my neck, sending goose bumps down my arms. “Talk to me. What’s wrong?”
“What? Nothing’s wrong. Nothing at all.”
“Your voice is pretty damn shrill for a woman with nothing wrong.” He turns me to face him and cages me in, his hands planted on the railing on either side of me. “Are you nervous?”
“Yeah.” I let out a relieved breath. “Yeah, I guess I am.”
“There’s no need to be.” He dips down to kiss my forehead, then the top of my head. “There’s just you and me here. We make our own rules as we go.”
“Rule number one.” I press my hand to his chest and clear my throat. Geez, why does he have to be so…muscular?
“What is it?”
“What is what?” I look up at him with a frown.
“The rule.” His lips have turned up in a satisfied smile. “You said you have a rule.”
“Oh. Right. I did.” Jesus, how am I supposed to remember when he’s standing so close to me? I swallow hard again, probably for about the seventh time. “I don’t remember what it was.”
“Why are you nervous?”
“Because I haven’t done this in areallylong time.”
“I think it’s like riding a bike. You don’t really forget how.”
“And my body…” I shrug a shoulder. “I had a baby. I’m not as young as I used to be. Holy shit, Drew, did you realize that I’m older than you? By, like, five years. What does that make me?”
“Older than me,” he says. “So what? I’m not a minor. You’re not my teacher.”
“I’m your boss.” That came out way harsher than I meant for it to.
“Whoa.” He takes a step back and shoves his hands into his pockets. “Have I misread the situation here, London? Do you feel like I’m pressuring you into doing something you don’t want to do?”
His face and gorgeous blue eyes are cold and suddenly withdrawn. The muscle on the side of his jaw twitches, and he rocks back onto his heels.
“No.” There’s no hesitation in my voice. “No, we’re on the same page. You’re not pressuring me into anything. I’m just…out of my comfort zone, I guess is the best way to explain it. I usually know what I’m doing in every situation. But tonight, I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“You’re no virgin,” he says, and his voice has softened again, although he hasn’t moved toward me at all.
“No, definitely not.” I worry my bottom lip between my teeth. I should just go home. I should tell him this was a bad idea, apologize, and go back to my regular life. I’ve been without sex for this long. I can just keep going. My gaze finds his, and he’s still cold, not encouraging at all, and I lose any courage I might have had. “You know what, never mind. Maybe this was a mistake.”
I walk past him and into the room and grab my jacket.
“I’ll just call for a car.”
“You’re not going to call a fucking car,” he says, and I whirl around to find him standing just inside, his hands balled into fists at his side. “You’re going totalk to me, damn it. Why can’t you just tell me what’s bothering you?”
“Ten years,” I blurt out, and then feel my eyes widen in sheer horrification. “Actually, now that I think about it, it’s been longer than that, because it was before I was even showing with Caleb, so probably closer to eleven.”
“It’s been eleven years since what?”
