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The light flickers on when I find the switch and we both stare at the open space. This was not how I envisioned being back here when I last left the place. I imagined bringing my wife here and hearing her squeal with excitement when I told her it was ours.
“It’s a fixer-upper but it has potential.” I scratch the back of my neck awkwardly when her eyes glance over the wallpaper that’s peeling off the walls and the loose floorboards that lead up the stairs.
I got the place real cheap and was looking forward to putting the work in and making it ours. I know Carly would have loved having a blank canvas to work on and watching her grow fat with our child, while I created the perfect home for them, was my ultimate dream.
“It’s perfect.” The girl’s voice brings me back to reality.
“There’s a couch through there, and some beddin’ in here,” I tell her, heading for the downstairs cupboard and pulling out a pillow and a blanket that I have stored away.
I started doing some work on the place when Carly went on a trip with Jasmine a few weeks before she died. I spent an entire week here sanding floors and patching up all the roof damage.
“Thanks.” The girl takes them outta my hands and places them on the couch that the previous occupiers left behind.
“I’ll stop by in the mornin’ and we’ll figure everythin’ else out, okay?” I take a few steps back from her when I start to question if what I’m doing here is too much. All this is exactly what Carly would do in the same situation, but that don’t make it fuckin’ easy.
“You don’t even know my name.” She shakes her head, seeming equally as overwhelmed by my kindness as I am.
“I don’t need to. You need help and I can offer it. It’s the decent thing to do.” I shrug as if it’s no big deal.
“Well, I appreciate it, and my name's Addison.” She closes the gap between us and reaches up on her toes so she can kiss my cheek in appreciation.
“Like I said, just doin’ the decent thing.” I quickly pull away from her and head out the door.
“What exactly am I lookin’ for?” Storm asks when I leave him out on the porch and open the front door to Addison’s house.
“For anyone who’s watchin’ us,” I hiss, leaving him sparking up a smoke as I let myself inside and head up the stairs to Addison's room.
I check the list for what she needs and shove it all into the holdall I find in the wardrobe like she instructed. It only proves how scared she’s been when I find the suitcase already packed and filled with essentials under the bed where she told me it would be.
I flick through her wardrobe and when I see my old AC/DC shirt hanging up among her clothes I pause. During the last few weeks of her pregnancy, this was about the only thing Addison could fit into, she wore it all the time and I remember how much I loved the way it looked on her. The fact she’s kept it all these years gives me a little hope that she kept some happy memories from the time we spent together. I pull it from the hanger and inhale it; it smells like her now, and despite it not being on the list I toss it in the holdall before I head into Charlie's room.
It’s late when Skid returns, and when he sees that I’m still awake he gives me that same strange look he did when he came home earlier. He’s doing everything he can to make me and Charlie feel welcome here, and yet that one look seems to make me feel like we’re imposing.
“I got your stuff.” He places the holdall on the table along with the suitcase that I asked him to get from under my bed, then he heads for the refrigerator and pulls out two beers. He twists the cap off one before passing it to me, and when I accept it with a smile he opens the other for himself and throws both bottle tops at the trash can.
“Kid go down okay?” he asks, slouching into the seat beside me.
“Yeah, he’s been out for hours. Probably shattered from all the attention he’s been getting. Your friends are good people, Skid. They’ve made us feel really welcome.”
I’d already met a few of the guys when they did work on the house before Charlie was born, but Skid always kept me distanced from them. I had no idea there was such a family atmosphere here. Over the years I’ve learned a lot about the Souls, you can’t live near a town like Manitou Springs without hearing about these ruthless men who own the town and are respected by everyone. They don’t seem so dangerous when they're surrounded by those they care about. But I guess I should have already known that. Skid may have broken my heart, but I’ll forever be in his debt for what he did for me.
“Kids can get easily distracted.” He rests his head back against the couch and looks up at the ceiling, sighing heavily.
“I don’t expect anything from you other than protection. I’m over all that now,” I assure him in case that’s what he needed to hear. I’m positive it was the affection I showed him before that pushed him away, and I’m surprised at the frown he’s wearing when he turns his head to face me.
“When I saw you at the cemetery, you said if I ever nee—”
“I know what I said.” He cuts me off, still looking confused, and maybe even a little mad.
“I just wanted you to know that it’s clear. We’re friends, right?”
“Friends.” He nods, but the expression on his face makes me question what’s going through his head. I can’t help wondering why the thought of only ever being his friend hurts me. Not when I’m supposed to be mad at him. I’m only here because I have no other option, and the fact he’s already stirring old emotions up inside me is not a good sign.
I stand up from the couch and move over to the table, unzipping the holdall and smiling to myself when I see Charlie’s blue elephant on the top of our things. Nora, next door, got it for him on his first birthday and I’d forgotten to put it on the list. Skid would have seen it on Charlie’s pillow, and the fact he picked it up is just another example of how thoughtful he can be.
I lift it out and when I see the faded AC/DC tee shirt beneath it, I slide my fingers over the fabric, and my smile drops. I don’t know why I’ve kept it all these years, maybe I wanted my own little reminder of how it felt to be cared for. There’s only ever been one other person who has taken care of me the way Skid did, and when I think about the price he had to pay for it, I feel my heart break all over again.
“Pssst.” I hear Charlie call me from behind the woodshed when I go outside to collect the logs that Abraham’s older son, Solomon, has split. Then I check the coast is clear before I sneak behind it to join him.
