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“Don’t isolate yourself, there isn’t a woman here who hasn’t been through her own kinda trauma, it sounds like a cliche but the best way to heal is to talk.”
“You ever wanted someone to be dead?” I ask her outright. Grace seems like a nice girl, she’s smiley and bright. It’s hard to believe there's ever been a dark thought in her mind.
“Plenty. And if you want me to get real with ya, I can tell you that the majority of those peoplearedead.” Her words shock me, but not as much as the casual shrug she makes.
“My son wasn’t created out of love.” I look down at her big, round belly and feel a little envy. “I was forced to marry a man much older than me. He raped me continuously until I got pregnant.”
Grace takes in what I'm telling her, showing no shock, but a whole lot of empathy.
“I don’t care how he came to be. I hadn’t even felt him move inside me before I knew I needed to get us out of there. They killed my friend for trying to help me. They lied to us about the world outside to keep us isolated from it, but I risked all the horrors we’d been warned of because I knew even Hell would be better than staying there. The night I escaped, I thought I’d killed him. There was blood everywhere and he was howling in pain. But it turns out I didn’t and now that he’s found me, I wish I had driven that kitchen knife into him ten times more.” I don’t cry like I should, instead, I get angry.
“Most people would feel the same, given the circumstances,” Grace agrees, placing her hand on top of mine.
“I know Skid is gonna kill him, and I can make peace with that. I don’t need you to tell me that that's okay. So, how about I draw you a map of the village, write down all the names and descriptions of the Elders, and tell you where I escaped from? Then we can talk about some of the things that make me grateful for the fact I got the hell away from that place.”
“That sounds like a really good plan.” Grace smiles back at me warmly.
I spend some time putting together all the information the club are going to need and find myself talking to Grace with ease about some of the things that happened there. I tell her about my sister and unexpectedly confess the hate I feel toward my parents. I’ve always felt burdened by the thoughts I have about the people who are responsible for creating me, but saying them out loud seems to take the weight off it a little. Once Grace is sure we have more than enough for the club to work with, she fills me in on how everything works and tells me the story about how her and Brax met.
“Wow.” I remain stunned when she’s finished, and hearing her explain about the men her mother was dedicated to bringing to justice makes me understand why she wanted them dead.
“Did you know Carly?” I ask when I notice her starting to shift uncomfortably. She’s going to want to leave soon and I have to find out something.
“No, I never got to meet her, none of us did, except for Rogue and Maddy.” She looks sad about that fact.
“What happened?” I whisper, feeling a little deceitful asking her about it.
“He hasn’t told you, has he?” The way Grace hangs her head to the side tells me that whatever it is, is going to be heartbreaking.
“Skid never talks about her with me, I wish he would.”
“Skid’s been through a lot. He didn’t just lose his wife. You need to try and get him to open up. It’s not for me to tell you.” She smiles sadly, finishing up the last of her third cup of tea then taking her phone from her purse.
It’s less than a minute when the door bursts open and Brax rushes through it all red-faced and panting like a dog. Myself and Grace both look at him confused.
“You okay?” Grace asks.
“Areyou?” He marches over, placing one arm round her back so he can haul her up off the couch.
“I’m fine, what the hell’s wrong?”
“Your text. It saidready.” He stares at her.
“And?”
“I thought you were ready-ready.” He scrubs his hand over his face.
“Brax, you really need to loosen up, babies can be late and I can’t take another few weeks of you living on your nerves like this.” She shakes her head and kisses his cheek calmly before waddling her way to the door.
Brax takes a deep breath and follows her out.
* * *
Skid doesn't make it home for dinner. So Charlie and me eat together before I bathe him and put something we can both watch on TV. I never pushed Grace for more information on Carly earlier. Maybe subconsciously I was scared to. Whoever she was, I know how much Skid loved her, it wouldn’t be human of me not to question if he could ever love me equally.
Maybe, sitting here, in her house where she made her memories with him, should make me feel like an imposter. Yet it doesn’t because I don’t want Skid to forget about those memories. I want him to share them with me. I hope Carly knows that my intention is only to give back to him what he’s given me.
I knew from the day I met Skid that he was broken, you could see it in his eyes. We came so close just before Charlie was born, each day we spent together Skid seemed to drop his walls around me a little more. He never made me feel like a burden to him. I thought he was enjoying the experience the same way I was and that we were heading into it together. The day I realized I was wrong broke my heart.
