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Faye paused what she was doing, held an inviting arm out for her grandson, and looked to Cash. “Thirty minutes, Cash?”
The chef took in the different dishes in the works and nodded. “About that.”
“Do you need me to sample something?” Calvin asked, eliciting laughter and comments from the family—and a mini pickle from the veggie tray.
As the boy tore off to the basement again, Juniper stirred. Just a few days ago, her waking was a stressful event for me, every single time, but today it brought a wave of relief. It gave me an excuse to step out of the pandemonium for a few minutes.
I excused myself and carried the car seat into Simon’s man cave, then unbuckled the baby. “Hey, June Bug. You have no idea what I’ve gotten us into today. I have a feeling you’re gonna get loved on like you’ve never been loved on before.”
As I lifted her out of her cozy nest, I kissed her cheek and she cooed—so far contentedly. We were getting to a point where, if I caught her early enough upon waking, I could get her diaper changed and mix up her bottle before she tuned up into a hungry fuss. I liked to think she was learning to trust that I’d have what she needed, but more than likely, it was just that I’d figured out ways of distracting her from her basic needs for a few minutes.
I pulled out the changing pad and spread it on the floor, then did a quick diaper change. After that, I shook the premeasured bottle and settled onto the chair to feed her, needing a few minutes of quiet to process this significant day so far.
* * *
A few hours later, dinner was over, and we’d all moved downstairs to the finished basement where everyone could fit in one big room together for cake.
As I understood it, Faye had had the lower level finished as her family continued to expand. At one end was a play area where the boys were enthralled with a supply of toys so big it could only have been provided by doting grandparents. The other two-thirds was a family room with a giant sectional, a sofa, a love seat, a couple of chairs, and lots of floor pillows. There was a stone fireplace on one side, giving the room a warm, homey feeling despite how big it was and the fact it was underground. The egress windows helped, even though it was now dark outside.
The whole house had a welcoming feel to it. Both the Norths and the Henrys—with the exception of Cash—had been friendly and seemed interested in getting to know me and fawning over my daughter. There was nothing I could complain about, but I gravitated to one of the edges and sat next to Seth, appreciating that he was one of the quietest people here, content to watch and listen for the most part, while everyone else interacted with jokes and teasing and nonstop references to things I didn’t understand. Memories, inside jokes, shared stories. None of it was meant to make me feel like an outsider, but despite their friendliness and attempts to fill me in, I did.
When my cake was devoured, Juniper needed another diaper change and was giving signs she wanted to eat. I was once again relieved to escape the nonstop clamor as I climbed the stairs with her. I was used to living alone and had only recently started adjusting to having both Juniper and Quincy in my living space. Twenty-some others was a tall order.
As I changed her in the den, I wondered what it would’ve been like to grow up with this, with all the people, all the love, all the connections. I’d had friends at every stage of my life, but there was a difference between those relationships and the closeness these people shared. To think the two families had only joined recently, first with the marriage of Hayden and Zane and then when Faye and Simon had tied the knot, was astounding. They all acted like they’d known each other their whole lives. Longing to be a part of it seeped through me.
After fastening the clean diaper and fixing Juniper’s denim jumper dress, I grabbed her chubby feet and made bicycle circles. She laughed, as I’d hoped she would. That giggle sent a spike of joy through me more intoxicating than Rusty Anchor’s Deep Waters IPA.
“You think we’ll fit in here someday?” I asked her in a quiet voice.
Her eyes met mine, and I felt that connection again. It was the strangest thing, to connect with such a small human, and one I’d only met recently at that. But it was absolutely a bond that reached clear to my heart.
Next week I was meeting with a lawyer to find out what I needed to do to get full custody of my daughter. Even now though, there was a bond between us that came from knowing she was my flesh and blood, a sense ofyou and me against the world.I likened it to what my mom must have experienced, and it made me feel closer to her than ever.
The thought caused a pang of longing that robbed me of my breath. What I wouldn’t give to have my mom meet my daughter. She would’ve been euphoric to hold her granddaughter.
Becoming subdued, I reminded myself I needed to be strong for my child. “Someday, June Bug, we’ll feel like we’re a part of this. We’ll feel like these people are family,” I said quietly, then kissed her on the tip of her nose.
I put away the changing supplies, picked up Juniper, and headed toward the kitchen to mix another bottle. Somehow thoughts of my mom had heightened the feeling of not belonging. I wasn’t the large-family kind of guy who went to big, noisy gatherings. I came from a two-person clan, and I didn’t know if I’d ever get used to the other end of the scale. I was starting to wish I’d driven myself so I could leave soon.
When I went around the corner toward the kitchen, Cash was there, making coffee. He turned to find out who’d joined him but didn’t say anything when he saw me. I could actually feel his attitude harden.
“Hey,” I said, thinking it was stupid to act like strangers when we were the only two adults on this floor of the house.
An unfriendly grunt came out of him, his back to me once again.
My eyes narrowed. Were we adults or grade-schoolers here?
Holding Juniper in one arm, I used the other to mix the bottle. After a leveling inhalation, I tried again. “Dinner was really good.”
“Tell that to Faye. She did the planning and most of the cooking,” he said, his tone lacking in any sort of warmth or friendliness.
Of course I planned to tell Faye how wonderful dinner had been. That wasn’t the point. The point was I was trying to find some semblance of common ground, a way for us to be civil. My efforts were obviously not well received.
Tonight had been a lot. Hell, the past week had been a fucking lot. I was weary and overwhelmed twenty-four seven. Maybe earlier in the day I could be the bigger man, but my patience was threadbare.
“Do you have something you need to say to me?” I bit out.
Several seconds ticked by, and I started to wonder if he was going to blow me off completely. I clenched my jaw, and Juniper let out a fuss. Just a prelude.
