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“What’s going on, Quincy?”
I inhaled deeply as I met his concerned gaze, gathering my courage. “I’ve decided not to go to school after all.”
His expression went…not at all the way I expected it to. His features dipped in a frown, brows wrinkled in confusion. Not happiness.
I moved to his side, letting the blanket fall away, kneeling on the cushion next to him so I could make him understand. With my hand on his strong forearm, I sought out eye contact. “Knox, I love you and Juniper. I want to be here with the two of you, not an hour away—”
He shook his head, frowning, and I tensed, my chest locking up with fear. “No, Quincy.”
“What?”
“You can’t do that.” He shook his head in a tight, insistent movement. “I can’t let you do that.”
“You can’t let me do what? Love you?” An incredulous, half-crazed laugh came out of me. “Too late, Knox. You don’t get a say in that. My feelings are already there.”
He surprised me again by bolting off the couch and putting space between us, his gaze locked on the floor.
A sick feeling washed over me as I watched him, my hope crashing that he’d maybe misunderstood me at first and would realize this was happy news.
As the situation sank in, my mouth gaped. I was too stunned to find words to convince him or argue.
“You’re on the verge of…everything, Quincy,” he said. “Your life is getting ready to take off in a good way. Your future, your goals—”
“Changed,” I said decisively, but he was shaking his head again. I perched on the edge of the cushion, my whole body tense as I struggled to find the right words to make him understand.
“You’re twenty-eight years old. You’re about to embark on the career path you were put on this earth to follow. Everyone agrees you’re going to be a stellar teacher. I’m not going to let you give that up. Not for us. This was always supposed to be temporary.”
“You can’t tell me you don’t have feelings for me.”
He didn’t look at me. “Of course I have feelings for you. I care deeply about you. That’s why I can’t let you give up everything you want.”
“I told you; I want you and Juniper.” Anger was burning through my disbelief. I shot up off the sectional, no longer able to fight this battle sitting down. I shouldn’t have tofightthis battle at all. This was crazy. “Why can’t you understand I changed my mind, Knox? As you pointed out, I’m twenty-eight. Old enough to decide what I want. Old enough to figure out that the whole women-can-do-everything schtick isn’t for me. I don’t want to do everything. My mom was the queen of doing everything and doing it better than everybody.” I shook my head, tears dampening my eyes. Angry tears. Frustrated tears. “I’m not my mom. Believe it or not, Cynthia helped me see it’s okay if I don’t want to be.”
“You can’t just throw away all your plans because of us. You’ve said it yourself—you made that mistake with your ex.”
I reared back because that stung. More than stung. It crushed me, got it through my head that Knox didn’t want what I wanted. I sat back down on the edge of the sectional, all my optimism draining.
As I fought to get my brain to work, to figure out what to do next, Knox lowered himself to the ottoman in front of me, facing me. He leaned his elbows on his thighs, not meeting my eyes, not touching me.
“We’re in two different life stages, Quincy. You’re about to get started. I can’t wait to see what you become, because you’re going to be amazing. I refuse to stand in your way.”
I opened my mouth to argue, but he held out a hand and said, “You have to try it. Juniper and I will miss you, but you can visit whenever you’re in town.”
I couldn’t imagine how awkward that would be. It was irrelevant though because I wasn’t going to school. I’d decided that deliberately, separately from loving Knox and June. I loved being a nanny. I didn’t know why it’d taken me twenty-eight years to figure that out, but it had.
But clearly, Knox didn’t care what I wanted. He wasn’t open to listening to me, didn’t think I could make up my mind about my own future. I stood and stepped past him, needing space.
I walked over to the kitchen island, leaned my elbows on it, and covered my face with my hands. Putting physical distance between us didn’t help a thing. I couldn’t begin to figure out what my next move was. I was still trying to wrap my head around how everything had gone sideways in a matter of minutes.
“Why don’t you go to your apartment for a few days,” he said, startling me because he was so close, right behind me. “Give yourself some space from me and June so you can think straight.”
I stood upright. Just when I’d thought it couldn’t get worse… “You want me to leave?”
“I think it’d be best. You need a clear head, away from us.”
Don’t tell me what I need. I bit down on the words, keeping them in, acknowledging that nothing I could say would change his stance. If I had to convince him, beg him, then it wasn’t the right thing anyway. I shouldn’t have to convince him to spend the future with me, or even the next month and a half.
Feeling like the rug had been ripped out from under me, I couldn’t utter an answer. I looked him in the eye, trying to reach the man I’d fallen for, checking to see if he would back down.
