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I mean, I nearly fell off the damn bridge; I almost made Jackson follow me, which I had no doubt he would. I see the love that shines through.
Over the past month, he's shown me how much I mean to him, and all the crap he said is in the past, although his groveling hasn't stopped. I told Leah I didn't need it anymore. Still, she told me to let him keep doing it because it helps ease his guilt, so I do. I must admit having flowers every two days, a meal cooked every night, or having takeout is not something I'm going to complain about, especially when he runs me a bath.
I'm brought out of my head when he turns off his bike. I squeeze his waist tighter, causing him to place his hands on top of mine, rubbing his thumb along my linked fingers before I feel his body rumble against my cheek as he speaks.
"I know you're scared, Pixie, but know this: I won't let you fall; I'd catch you just like last time. You can do this, baby, and we'll just sit here until you're ready."
I nod against his back and hold him even tighter.
I want to read it, but I also don't.
What if I can't cope with what's written?
What if I get angry again and bring up other people's secrets like I did with Leah and Gunner?
Tears spring in my eyes, dammit. I'm so fed up with crying all the time.
Jackson rubs his hands over mine. "What's going on in that pretty mind of your baby?"
I sniffle, my tears falling, "I'm going to go backward if I read it."
I feel him nod. "And if you do, I'll catch you and bring you back again."
I sniffled again, my arms tightening around him before I slowly let go and climbed off the bike. I look at Jackson and see that he's grinning at me before helping me remove the helmet and then getting off the bike himself. I look up so our eyes meet before he bends forward, kissing my lips gently. When he breaks the kiss, he looks ahead and frowns.
"What's with the arch?"
I clear my throat and look towards the lake before smiling a little. "That's what Todd and Alex got married under."Jackson nods, and guilt shines through his eyes and I sigh before going to my tiptoes, kissing him, making him wrap his arms around my waist, and kissing me back. I break the kiss first before rubbing my nose along his before I whisper, "It's okay."
He shakes his head and takes my hand, leading me to the bench. "It's never okay, baby."
Sighing, he takes a seat, and I sit on his lap sideways, my feet on the bench, before placing my head into the crook of his neck while he gets Momma's letter out. He gently tugs on my ponytail, but I don't move my nose from his skin. "You ready, baby girl?"
Baby girl.
I shake my head before nodding, making him chuckle a little before placing the letter in front of us.
My eyes wander towards it, and my tears fall seeing Momma's handwriting.
Sophie, my baby.
I know you are probably mad at me—angry, in fact—and I deserve that anger. I deserve it all. I'm taking the selfish way out, but, my baby, I cannot live in this world any longer without my soulmate.
I sniffle while Jackson's arm that's holding me around my waist tightens.
Life without your father is hard, baby. I know I have you, and I'm grateful every day, but you have your own life now, sweet girl. You've got your degree, you're working the job you've always dreamed of, and you've finally met someone worthy of your love, like your father was worthy of mine and I his. You've found someone worthy of you, baby.
You don't really need me anymore. I stayed. I tried to live for four years for you, and as soon as I saw the love in that man's eyes for you, I knew, baby, I just knew you'd be okay without me. I know I took the easy way out, but baby, I've been struggling to breathe without your father and without my heart. I hate that I have to leave you with this, and I hate that you are most likely the one who will find me, but please, baby, understand that I can't live without him anymore; I can't keep walking around in a daze. I can't keep screaming out for him anymore.
I love you so much. You became my strength these past years without Dave, your father, and your hero, but you deserve to live your life without having me as a burden. The house's yours, but, baby, I don't want you to keep it. Sell it. Get everything you want to keep from your childhood, along with Leah, then sell them. Put the money away for a rainy day or for your future children, my future grandchildren. Don't hold on to the past like I did. Sell the thing to a family who can live and laugh in there like we did. I checked with Todd; you only have a few payments left, so you'll solely own it, baby, and once you do sell it, Live life with Jackson and create new memories. Create happiness and love with that man because he is your other half.
I let out a sob, but Jackson continued for me.
I don't want to have to leave you. You're the only reason why I've lasted this long. Still, it's time for me to be at peace with your daddy. I hope and pray that one day you'll be able to understand my reasons for doing this and that you'll forgive me for doing this because, baby, I'm not living anymore; I'm dying slowly every day. I need to be at peace. I need to rest. I'm so tired, so tired all the time. I need to be at peace, baby girl, please. I need your daddy, my heart, and my soul. I need him, and I know you'll be okay. You have Jackson, and you have Leah. You are not alone, sweet girl, and that is why this is much easier for me now because I know you will be okay.
But I'm not; I'm not going to be okay; I need her; Leah needs her.
I know it doesn't feel like it right now. I know you're mad, but baby, you will flourish; you'll marry that man after making him grovel as his life depends on it, and then you'll have his babies; you'll name them after me and your daddy, Jackson snorts beforecontinuing; you'll have a life worth living, and I couldn't be any more proud of you than I already am.
