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Payton gave her a half smile. “You’ve used that word more in the last few days than I’ve heard you say it in an entire year. I feel like you’re far from fine. Do you want to talk about it? Or should I just go to sleep,” Payton said, motioning behind her. “I’m okay with either answer. I just don’t know you well enough to know which it is.”
Madison swallowed, her mind going back and forth. Forget it and move on or use this moment to make some kind of progress for part two of this charade?
Neither.
Madison would regret this in the morning, but she couldn’t stop herself from asking what had been on her mind for the last year.
“What do you see in me?” Madison asked, holding Payton’s gaze, her voice almost cold.
Payton lifted an eyebrow. “You can’t be serious.”
Madison’s heart pounded against her ribs. She hated that she’d asked, but it was out there now. She couldn’t just take it at face value. She had to go and analyze it, take it apart.
Because, by the end of the week, she wanted Payton to realize that whatever she saw in her wasn’t going to be enough. That Madison had never been relationship material, and she never would either.
25
Payton struggled to keep her heart rate under control.
Madison’s eyes locked on hers. “What do you see in me?” she asked, her voice low and gravelly.
Payton lifted an eyebrow at those words. “You can’t be serious.”
Madison’s eyes challenged her. “I meant it when I said I was flattered, but I don’t know what you see in me.”
Payton just stared at her, her pulse jumping as she tried to comprehend this situation. She searched Madison’s eyes and hated the uncertainty in them.
“You are always the most beautiful woman in the room,” Payton said, willing her voice to remain steady. “But it’s so much more than that. I may have only been working with you for a year, but I’ve seen you do enough little things for the people who work for you, and they’re almost always anonymous. You’re not manipulating anyone or looking for credit. You’re simply a genuine person who truly cares about their employees.”
Madison looked like she wanted to say something, but Payton kept going. “You’re hardworking. You’re loyal. You’re generous with both your time and your money. And I can confidently say all that without even really knowing you. So, I can’t even imagine what I’d be saying right now if I did.”
Madison looked away. “Thank you. For saying that. But I think that’s the point. That you don’t know me.”
“But those things are all still true. So, unless you’ve done a number on your own reputation and you’re covering up some huge scandal, I don’t know what’s going to change that,” Payton said, her lips easily sliding into a smile. “Look, I’m not trying to convince you to go on a real date or anything. I’m just stating the facts. And I really think that you shouldn’t be so shocked by the fact that I would absolutely ask you out if I thought you’d give me a chance.”
“My track record when it comes to relationships is awful,” Madison said with a long exhale. “I don’t think I’d let myself go there again. It’s never ended well.”
“Did you ever think that it had nothing to do with you? That maybe you just weren’t a good match?”
Madison gave her a wry smile. “It’s happened too many times, and when I thought I had met the right person, I couldn’t even stay married to them for more than a few years. I’m just not worth the time or effort.”
Payton couldn’t stop her hand from going to Madison’s wrist, her fingers loosely wrapped around it before sliding her hand down, over her palm, until their fingers were interlaced. “Madison, that’s ridiculous. You have to know that. There is somebody out there for you. You can’t let a few bad experiences keep you from finding them.”
Madison quirked an eyebrow. “Speaking from experience?”
Payton laughed softly. “No. But that’s my own fault for always falling for unavailable women.” Her stomach lurched when she realized what she’d just admitted to. That she was basically doubling down. Madison knew Payton had a crush on her, and it seemed like Payton was incapable of doing any kind of damage control.
“Oh?”
“I don’t think I’ll ever learn.”Payton shook her head. “This is the worst one though.” She’d said that last sentence so quietly, she wasn’t sure if Madison had even heard her.
“Why?”
“Because you know.” Payton was aware of the fact that she was still holding Madison’s hand, that she hadn’t pulled away. “Usually, it’s uh, more of an across-the-room kind of thing. This is… Different. I know I don’t have a chance. Normally, because I don’t act on it, I don’t get rejected, and I get to cling to that hope that maybe I really would have a chance.”
“Who said you’ve been rejected?” Madison asked, a glint in her eyes that Payton might just be imagining.
“You’re my boss. I’m your P.A.” Payton pressed her lips together. Even saying it out loud didn’t snap her out of this daydream, this fantasy that this could actually happen. “So that means that this is never going to happen. Even this week, when things are so far from normal.”
