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My skin crawls at just the thought of him making me shiver.
I haven't told anyone what happened, only Doc, but he just doesn't know who. Well, no, that's a lie. I did tell my foster father Adam; he just laughed and said, "Good for Carl," then hung up on me. I haven't spoken to them since.
Sighing, I look at the glasses, then at Gunner's office door, which's now closed, and then toward the time.
00:20am
I look towards Axels table and see him laughing with some of the brothers and Annalise, his old lady, who whenever I'm near sneers at me, like I'm after her man. I shake my head and make a decision. It's Sunday night; I'm already on hour 78 after being called in on Wednesday night after doing a full day at school, and my stupid heart couldn't say 'no' to Gunner, only to find out he was taking Cara back to the clubhouse for the evening; he fucking used me for his fuck buddy.
Nodding my head,
I make a decision. I'm already petrified about tomorrow, so why not go home? Soph won't be there because she's working, but that's fine; being alone will be just fine; I'm used to it now.
I look at Gunner's door one more time before grabbing my bag and coat that's under the bar and making my way over to the MC table, which quietens when I approach. Half of the brothers and the women, including Annalise, look down on me, while the other half ignores me. It's how it's always been since that'man' said shit that wasn't true about me, but I kept working here, despite the treatment of my adoptive parents, who, let's face it, didn't actually treat me right growing up; they only kept me for the money they got, but I still don't want to see them dead, so I stayed. Don't get me wrong, some brothers are nice to me, like Hawk, Ink, Dagger, and sometimes Axel, but the rest don't want me here, and neither do the women, and Melanie, Dagger'swoman, doesn't count; she liked me before they could poison her against me; they didn't have a chance.
I clear my throat, "I'm off." I say to Axel, who furrows his brows at me in confusion while the rest look at me with shock, but I power through, "I am currently on hour 78 out of a 45-hour contract; I have yet to have a break since being here at 4 p.m. to set up, which was over six hours ago, and Cara is on her second break since arriving late at 7 p.m. instead of 6, so I am off. You can either tend the bar or you can go get Cara and Gunner, who are currently in his office again for the second time today."
One of the brothers snorts, and I look to see Tank shake his head at me. "Leah, you're just jealous; we all know you have a thing for him, but after what you did to Razor, it's never going to happen. Just put your stuff back behind the bar and do your job before we decide to find someone else who will."
I flinch at the name before narrowing my eyes at Tank.
So much for him being a nice freaking guy.
"Or I can walk out of here with my contract in hand as well as the rota's and all my payslips and go see a lawyer and sue your asses for overworking me without a proper break?" his eyes widen while Axel clears his throat, "or I can leave now and come back bushy-eyed on Tuesday to my job where I WILL only be doing 45 hours as per my contract."
The brother's eyes go wide. I've never stood up for myself, even when they treated me like crap, but enough is enough. The town was all crazed about how great their MCs were, but to me, they were all just mean old men that needed a better hobby. I look Axel in the eyes and raise my brow, and he nods when he sees I've finally had enough of their treatment toward me. "We'll see you Tuesday, Leah. Go get some rest, and good luck tomorrow with your appointment."
I give him a nod before turning, heading to the backdoor, refusing to walk past that'man.' He is the reason for my nightmares; the thought of him being anywhere near me makes my skin crawl. I make it to my car and climb in just in time for Gunner to storm out of the front door with his shirt undone, but I ignore him and drive off without looking back, heading home where I'll hopefully get at least some sleep before my nightmares take over me.
The next morning I'm sitting in the waiting room at the hospital, exhausted, waiting to see Sarah, the OBGYN, with Ava sitting next to me, her hand in mine. Whatever crap the 'man' and the club have said about me over the years, Doc and Ava are the two people who have stood by me, not believing them, and I'm grateful for that.
They've become my parents—well, the parents I should have had.
My knee starts to bounce, making Ave grip my hand harder, trying to help me through this next hour before Sarah walks out, her brown eyes showing me kindness, "Come on, Leah." I nod, and both Ava and I follow her. She guides me to a chair and tells me to take my bottoms off for my scan. I quickly do as she says and lay back, placing the towel over me and my feet on the stirrups, before Ava comes to my head, holding my hand.
"Ok, Leah, let's see if there's any improvement."
I nod.
Over the past five years, I've been having scans done to see if any scar tissue has shrunk since the'man' cut me open from the inside and left some trauma to my lower stomach. So far, there's too much of it. I may never conceive, and if I do, I may not be able to carry a baby to term; I might not even make it past 7 weeks, and if I do manage to, I might not be able to deliver a baby naturally.
I may never become a mom.
I bite my bottom lip, my eyes starting to tear up, my gut feeling telling me the truth; she'll just confirm it. Ava squeezes my hand, and I look at her to see her hazel eyes showing me concern, but I just give her a smile as Sarah places the prob at my entrance, causing me to flinch hard.
"Ok, you're okay. Leah, deep breath for me, ok? It's just you, me, and Ava; you're okay. Doc is outside waiting for you too; you are ok, you are safe."
I do as she says, taking deep breaths as she pushes the prob inside, causing my tears to fall.
This happens each time.
Doc says I may have PTSD, but I don't want to see anyone for it because seeing them means talking about it, and I-I can't; I don't know if I ever will be able to.
I don't know how long we sit here until she says I can get dressed, and I finally feel the prob gone. I quickly do as she says before taking a seat again, and she opens the door before Doc walks in.
My tears fall again as he takes Ava's place, her hand staying in mine though while his arm goes around my shoulder.
"What's the verdict, Sarah?"
