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It’s full of Mira. Of her scent, of the sound she makes when she comes, and the little dance of excitement she manages to pull off even when she’s on her crutches. And I can’t stop thinking of the look in her eyes last night and the way she turned her back on me as I packed my bag in the apartment.
I know I’ve fucked up, yet I’m not ready to pull a 180. I still haven’t talked to Mike, and Daphne and her people are circling me. It’s safer for Mira if I keep my distance. Besides, the decision has already been made, might as well sit on it.
Coward.
The word keeps echoing through my head. Maybe I am a coward. Maybe Shane’s one too. Maybe that’s why we’re holed up here together.
I’m about ready to pull the casserole out of the oven, when my phone buzzes with a call. It’s Ruthie.
I swear, but I still pick it up, because I can’t not answer it. She or Izzy might be having a problem.
“You’re being an idiot,” she says as soon as I pick up.
“Hello to you too,” I mutter, sighing as I pull the casserole out and place it on the stovetop.
“I just talked to Mira.” I feel a twist of resentment in my chest, becauseIwant to talk to Mira. “She said you broke up with her, but she still wants Izzy and me to come to Thanksgiving dinner. Why would you do something so stupid, Danny? She’s perfect for you.”
Anger stokes in my chest. “You talked to her aboutme,” I say heatedly. “You told her about what it was like, with Mom and Dad. It wasn’t your place to say any of that.”
“No,” she says, sounding more sad than angry now. “It was yours.”
It hits like a blow, but I say, “You don’t know everything, Ruthie.”
“No, but that never stopped you from stepping in when I was doing something stupid. I’m just doing you the same courtesy.”
“Maybe I would have told her everything if you’d given me time.”
“Would you have?”
Her question buries in my chest. I don’t like to lie, but there are so many things I haven’t told people. “Well, now we’ll never know, will we?”
“I guess we won’t,” she says, sounding on the verge of tears.
Fabulous, I’ve made my sister cry now.
“Come to Thanksgiving, Danny. Don’t do this. Don’t burrow yourself away like you always do when you’re upset about something.”
“I’m doing the right thing,” I say, the words hollow. “I’m protecting her.”
Ruthie can’t know what I’m talking about, but she says, “Maybe she doesn’t want you to protect her, Danny. Maybe she just needs you to love her.” And I hurt down to my soul because I know she’s not only talking about Mira.
“I do love you.”And her.
“Then you should know that one of the things I want most, one of the things I wish for every night, is for you to be happy. To let yourself by happy.” She pauses and then adds, “I sure hope this doesn’t have anything to do with Daphne. Mira told me that she works at Big Bear.”
She says her name as if it’s a disease. “Not in the way you’re thinking,” I say. “It’s Mira…”
I trail off. Because I was about to sayit’s Mira I love. I shouldn’t say it for the first time to my sister, though, and I shouldn’t say it at all the way things stand.
“I’ll think about Thanksgiving,” I end. I don’t tell her that I’ve been told to report to work on Thanksgiving Day, to the fucker who hurt her. Maybe I do need to share more of my life, but I’ll never willingly hurt her.
I’m hanging up the phone when Shane walks in. He looks like hell—even worse than he did last night. He gives me a lopsided smile and says, “Honey, you cooked.”
ChapterThirty-Four
Mira
The last few days have not gone well, but at least I’ve managed to get to Sunday. Things can only go up from here, right?
