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“Of course it is.”
He looked at her. “It’s just… Alice isn’t a thing, she’s not a possession, she’s a person.”
Hope stared at him incredulously. “Are you being serious? Do you really think—”
“Wait, wait.” Noah took a deep breath. “I’m not explaining this properly.”
“Well you’d better start doing a better job or I’m throwing you out and getting on with my day.”
“Okay, okay. Alice… She’s amazing. Truly amazing. She’s funny and kind and smart.” He looked at her again. “I’m not kidding myself that I had much to do with that. I know it was you. You’re the one that spends the most time with her, you’re the one she takes after.”
“Flattery will get you nowhere,” Hope said, thawing a little bit, both figuratively and literally.
Noah sighed. “It’s just… It’s like you’ve painted this beautiful picture but you won’t let anyone look at it. I know you want to protect Alice, but you can’t. She’s a person. She deserves to be out in the world. The world deserves to have her. God knows there aren’t enough kind and beautiful people in the world.”
“Noah—”
“No, let me finish. I know that she’s just a child. But I also know that she has to grow up and she can’t be wrapped in cotton wool. I know that there’s only so much we can do. Having said that, I do see your point.” He cleared his throat.
“What point would that be?” Hope asked carefully.
“That perhaps she needs her mum a bit more than her dad right now.”
“Meaning?”
“Meaning… I don’t want to take this to court. I’m not going to get lawyers involved. If you say that Alice shouldn’t spend half her time with me, then I’ll accept that. For now. Not that I’ll stop asking. I’ll wait until she’s seven and then ask again, and again when she’s eight, and I’ll keep on asking. But I’ll also respect your judgment.”
Hope felt stress leave her body, literally felt herself getting lighter. She hadn’t realized just how much it had affected her that Noah wanted to create problems over custody. “Respect my judgment,” she said, shaking her head. “I’m not sure that’s always the best idea.”
“Are you kidding?” asked Noah, looking surprised. “Hope, you’re the best judge of character that I know, not to mention the most sensible person.”
Hope raised an eyebrow at him. “And yet I chose a philandering husband.”
“Philandering?”
“Sorry, do you not know what the word means?” Hope asked a little acidly.
“Of course I do,” Noah said. “But I’m no philanderer. I never cheated on you Hope, not once. I’ll admit that I knew Amelia before we split, I even knew that I was developing feelings for her. But I didn’t speak to her about them, ask her out, or even have a full conversation with her until after you and I had split and gone through mediation. I swear to you.”
Hope could tell from the look on his face that he was serious. “Really?” she asked, not wanting to believe him. She’d comforted herself for a long time with the idea that Noah was the bad guy, that he’d cheated and wronged her.
“Really,” he said. “Amelia is a lovely person. I adore her and I won’t hide her away. I think you might even like her if you gave her a chance. Alice adores her. But I absolutely had nothing to do with her until we were split up.”
Hope breathed slowly and evenly.
“You can trust your judgment, Hope. Whatever it is that you’re worried about, whatever decision it is that you’re trying to make, you can trust yourself.”
“Who says I’m trying to make a decision?” Hope asked, thinking again about the gossip potential of small towns.
Noah grinned at her. “I’ve known you a long time, Hope Perkins. I know when you’re in the middle of a crisis. Whatever it is, whoever it is, that has you like this, well, if you like them then they must be worth it.”
“They must be, mustn’t they?” Hope said, smiling back at him. “After all, you were worth it.”
And she meant it. Whatever had happened between them, Noah was still her first love, still the father of her child, and she wouldn’t change that.
“Listen,” she said. “I’m not promising anything and nothing’s decided yet, but how would you feel about a change of circumstances. You might not love the idea of what I’m about to say, but it could mean that you have Alice for every school holiday…”
Chapter Thirty Three
