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Hoda pauses. “Does having a new show give you the strength to move past this?”
“It was a blessing in disguise. It gave me renewed purpose. Hope. I’m just discovering who I am. What I like. The next time I get married, it’s going to be different. I’ll be with someone who’ll love me for who I am, not for who they want me to be. Or, for what I can do for them.”
“For all of the independence women are supposed to have today, there seems to be a backlash against standing up for yourself. Did you experience any of that in your divorce?” Hoda digs her journalistic hooks in.
Clover pauses. “You know, for me, it is nuanced. As young women, Ronni and I met on a set of a horrifically misogynistic show. The LA Times did a great job—an accurate job, I might add—of exposing what went down.“ She takes a drink of water. “We were in a constant state of being praised and cut down. It kept us in line. My marriage, in retrospect, mirrored that dynamic. When I found out about the infidelity, I was able to break the pattern.”
“Are you saying you were groomed?” Hoda’s mouth is wide open with shock.
What the fuck?
I’m up in a flash. I stand right in front of the monitors.
Clover is gorgeous. She’s serene, but I know the truth before she speaks.
“I’ve learned through therapy that yes, I was groomed. As a cast member on Hawaiian High, I was the cute, chubby kid. Kircher and the other producers isolated us from our family. We were told what to eat. Who to hang out with. Who to please. I was lucky, if you could call it that. None of those men were attracted to the fat girl.“ Clover bites her bottom lip. “What no one realizes is my parents sent me there on my own because of Kircher. He convinced them I’d be fine. We needed the money. The next thing I know, I’m on that island with no support and no parental supervision. I had to keep the job, I was supporting my whole family. I didn’t know it wasn’t normal to be constantly criticized. Controlled.”
She takes a deep breath and lets it out. “And then the show ended. I was barely seventeen. Lost. Alone. I had to emancipate myself from my parents. The next thing I know, I’m involved with a music producer who promised to make me a pop star.” Clover winces. “God. I thought I was in love without even realizing he was using me. Luckily, I had a few hits, so I made some money, but it was the same tragic Hollywood story. I wasn’t his only conquest, there were many. When I finally clued in, I was back to square one.”
“I had no idea.” Hoda shakes her head sadly.
“No one did.” Clover shrugs. “Then I met Harrison Finklestein at an industry party. He love-bombed me when I was twenty-one. I was estranged from my family—heartbroken, alone and desperate for any type of connection. He was rich, successful and rising quickly within the Hollywood ranks. My knight in shining armor, or so he made it seem.”
Clover takes a deep breath to control her emotions, she’s on the verge of tears. When she recovers, her voice is strong. Determined. “I married him, thinking it was my ticket to a normal life where I could be a wife and mother. Last year I discovered that he was the worst of them all.” She takes a deep breath. “Through my own bad decisions, I lost another decade to manipulation and lies. I’m older and wiser now, and it won’t happen to me again. I promise you that.”
“You’ve been through a lot, Clover.” Hoda takes her hand and squeezes.
Clover’s eyes now fill with tears. “Omygosh. You’re making me cry, Hoda!” She sniffs and composes herself again. “I’m not a victim. I’m a survivor. Something changed deep inside me when I caught my ex cheating with my best friend. I realized I’m never going to be some wind-up doll who will allow a powerful man to take over my life again. I’m strong. I know my value. My worth. Hopefully one day I’ll be in love again. When I’m ready. With the right man.”
“So…is that what led to this dating experiment?” Hoda deftly changes the mood into something lighter.
“Yes, and it’s so much fun. After we wrapped filming, I figured why shouldn’t life imitate fiction? Why not become my character, Jenna?” Clover winks.
Hoda smirks. “So it’s not some PR stunt? You’re dating a new guy each month?”
“It’s no PR stunt. I’m approaching dating differently.” Clover claps her hands. “I’m sticking to guys I wouldn’t ordinarily be attracted to. I want to get myself out there. Do you know anyone, Hoda?”
“You’re gorgeous, you won’t need my help…” Hoda makes googly eyes at the camera.
Clover pretends to be serious. “Oh, but I do. My first dip in the water was a disaster. I nearly started heading down the same worn path…” She purses her lips and flicks her eyes from side to side.
Hoda leans in. “Oooh I sense a story.”
“Yeah, and no one knows about this so don’t tell...” Clover looks at the camera and back at Hoda. “The first guy I was with after my ex was actually a wolf in sheep’s clothing. I’d seen him a couple of times and he was handsome as hell. And—you can’t write this stuff—we literally got trapped in an elevator.”
“Noooooo.” Hoda shrieks. “What happened?”
I’m losing my shit. I cannot believe she’s telling our story on national television. Is she going to say my name?
“You should know I’m extremely claustrophobic. He seemed so sweet and kind. He distracted me. Yada Yada Yada, eight hours went by, we were rescued and he left town the next day.“ She raises her eyebrows. “Unfortunately, a couple weeks later, I found out he wasn’t who he said he was. The day we wrapped production, he showed up on set to give me a half-assed apology. Which I rejected, thank you very much. The jerk was seriously angry at me for not accepting him at face value.”
Fuckity-Fuck. Is that how she sees me?
My stomach plummets to the ground. Of course it is. I wasn’t thinking of her feelings, I was thinking of mine. And my ego.
Fascinated by her perspective, I hang on every one of her words.
“I don’t have a good picker. So, whatever my instinct is, I’m doing the opposite.” Clover laughs. “He was hot though, extraordinarily hot.” She fans herself.
