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Clover’s mere presence and show of support fills me with a sense of calmness I’ve never had. All these years I avoided relationships because I thought they would distract me from my goals. Yet, being with Clover enhances them. Makes them more attainable. Worthwhile.
Who knows, maybe everything happens for a reason. Maybe I wasn’t ready for her until now. Maybe that’s why I’ve felt so drawn to her from the beginning, even though I didn’t know her.
All I know is she makes my life better. In every way.
Three hours later, I emerge from the master bath. Clover is still dressed, sitting on the edge of the bed, exhaustion etched all over her beautiful face. I take a seat beside her. “Sweetness, I want you to know that I didn’t mean to doubt you. It’s just... The whole situation, the voicemails, it was overwhelming. I let my fear cloud my judgment, and I’m so sorry.”
She turns to me, weary but determined. “I understand that it was a lot to process. Everything about today felt like a throwback to a time I never wanted to revisit. Living with a powerful man who manipulated me... It still haunts me. I need time to catch my breath, to figure out if this is the life I want.”
Catching her breath…again. It’s like a gut punch.
A well-deserved gut punch.
“I never wanted to make you feel that way. I never wanted to be a reminder of those painful times.“ I cup her hand with mine, my entire being aching with remorse. “You deserve so much more than that. You deserve to be with someone better than me. Please believe me when I say that I love you, and I will do everything in my power to make things right.”
She sucks in a deep breath, like she’s not sure what to say. “I love you too. So, I want to believe you, to trust that our love can overcome these obstacles. But I also need to prioritize my own well-being.”
I nod, encouraging her to continue. To let it all out, no matter how much I won’t like it.
She looks me in the eye, vulnerable yet strong. “Right now, I’m taking some time to myself. I want to process everything and figure out how to move forward. It doesn’t mean I’m running away or giving up on us. It just means I’ve decided to take care of myself first. You’re here for another couple of weeks. I’m going back to LA tomorrow to finalize the insurance claim. Meet with my lawyer. Stuff like that.”
Resisting the urge to try to take over or convince her to stay, I keep my voice calm. “I get it, baby. I wanted us to spend this time together, but if you need to go, I won’t try to stop you.”
“Thank you.” She stands and goes into the bathroom.
Unable to stay silent, I call after her, “Just know that I’m here for you, always. We’ll talk things through when you’re ready, and we’ll find a way to navigate this together.”
Sadness washes over me when she emerges from my closet dressed in loungewear, wheeling out one of my large suitcases. “Can I borrow this? I bought a few things today. I need a way to transport them…”
“You’re not leaving your clothes here?” I blurt out.
“JJ…” She looks down at the floor. Then crosses the room and stands before me. Places her hands on my shoulders. “Today really sucked. But, I promise you, I just need a little time to find my strength again.”
I pull her into my lap. Wrap my arms around her to hold her close. “I hate it. But I’m not going to fight it. I trust you know what is best for you,” I whisper. “Please also trust that you’re my everything. It kills me that you were all the way in, and I’ve given you reason to reconsider our relationship. I love you. So much.”
Clover says nothing more. Presses her lips to mine. We crawl into bed. Kissing. Connecting.
When she takes off her shirt, reaches for my hand and covers her breast with it, I melt into her. Understanding that she doesn’t want the last memory of us having sex to be what happened in my office earlier today.
I don’t want this to be the end, but if it is, I want to give her everything I have.
More.
To show her, rather than tell her, how much I love her. Cherish her. Want a future with her.
We undress. I press soft kisses over her entire body, paying special attention to the places that I’ve discovered drive her wild. Every touch is sweet. Caring.
Reverential.
My body covers hers. I clasp her delicate hands in mine above her head and slide inside her wet heat.
Foreheads pressed together, our eyes lock as I make love to my sweet girl. Caress every part of her body while we’re joined. We reach the pinnacle together and it feels like both a rebirth and a funeral.
This woman holds my heart in the palm of her hand.
I hope she’s more careful with it than I was with hers.
Chapter thirty-three
