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She’s so goddamn beautiful. Now that I know what I know, I’m not sure how I’m going to stop myself falling in love with her all over again. I can’t take my eyes off her. Everything inside me has shifted and I’m spinning out of control.
It’s not like I’ll have a chance in hell with her. After how I treated her for the past couple of weeks, there’s no way she’d ever reciprocate my feelings. Not in this lifetime.
“Are you okay?” Shay reaches over and taps my knee. “You look freaked out. Did I scare the shit out of you with all of this?”
I cough and shake my head. “Uh…no. I mean, yeah. I mean no. Argh.“ I clear my throat. “What I mean to say is no, you haven’t freaked me out. You’ve been through so much and I have to apologize for what a complete and total fuckwad I’ve been. I feel like the biggest asshole that ever walked the face of the earth in how I’ve treated you.”
“Well, give yourself a break.” She squeezes my knee then resumes rubbing her hands together in front of the heater. “I feel like a complete loser for finding out you and I had sex and I don’t even remember it. It’s no wonder you hated me.”
Suddenly the entire room is charged with an energy that’s hard to deny.
Shay looks at me and I see unmistakable attraction—no, desire in the depths of her eyes.
Without thinking, I lean over, cup her face between my palms, and press my mouth to hers with little finesse. She moans against my lips and launches herself against me, straddling my legs, winding her arms around my neck and slashing her tongue against mine.
We pour everything into the kiss as she writhes against me. My cock throbs against her hot center and I grip her ass to yank her closer.
When we eventually come up for air she rests her hands on my shoulders and cocks her head.
“So, let’s make this time one I’ll remember.”
Chapter twelve
Shay
Minutes Later
Austin looks at me with trepidation.
One thing I’ve never been shy about is sex, and I haven’t had any since Devon broke up with me.
Austin’s the hottest guy I’ve ever seen in my life. Now that I understand why he’s been acting so…shitty, it makes perfect sense. I’m used to dealing with this part of my illness. He isn’t the first person and won’t be the last who’s experienced one of my episodes. I can’t hold him responsible for feeling the way he did. Or hating me because of it.
I could choose to be upset about the gaps in my memory, the parts of my own life that I’ve missed and can’t remember but, as my therapist says, what good will that do? And what good would it do to blame Austin for hating me for something I have no recollection of?
Now he knows my secret, so I’m free.
We’re free.
I’m going to live in the present and enjoy every single opportunity that comes my way.
Tonight, he and I are stranded in a ski patrol lodge. How fucking hot is that?
I move off his lap and back up a few steps. Grab the bottom of my sweater and pull it up over my head, leaving me in my bra, panties, leggings, and knee-high socks. I shake out my hair and lick my lips. “I want you to fuck me, Austin.”
“Shay.“ His eyes bug out.
“I’m not having a blackout episode, if that’s what you’re worried about.” I take a step toward him and brace my hands on his thighs so he can see down my hot-pink bra. “Let’s give this another shot.”
He grabs one of my hands and places it on the bulge in his jeans. “Yeah. Let’s give it another shot.”
The moon shines through the window behind Austin, blurred against the snowstorm outside this little hut. His hand slides around my head and he brings my face to his, kissing me softly. Sucking my bottom lip between his. Our tongues meet and slide in a languid rhythm as he grows bigger and harder under my palm.
“Back in high school, I had this plan,” he says between kisses, “you’d fall for the nerdy guy,” he nuzzles my cheek and sucks the spot behind my ear, “and you’d be my girlfriend,” he drags his lips down my neck to the swell of my breasts, “and I’d make love to you every day,” he dips his tongue down the front of my bra and licks my puckered nipple, “and worship every inch of your beautiful body.”
I squeeze his cock through his jeans. “Oh yeah?”
“Ah, Shay. Jesus. Fuck it.“ Austin releases my hand and pulls the cups of my bra down. Ravenously devours my breasts, sucking then lightly grazing my nipples with his teeth. One after the other.
