AllFreeNovel
Share Us
My mom squeezes her fingers around mine. “Devon called a couple days ago. The poor boy is falling apart without you. He feels terrible about how things ended. Doesn’t know why you still have him blocked. The two of you were together for so long and he took such great care of you. Maybe you two can patch things up?”
My heart tightens. A vise of conflicting emotions squeezes it painfully at the mention of Devon and how he eviscerated me. “He doesn’t know anything about taking care of me. He never even knew I had epilepsy.”
“You couldn’t tell him before you were engaged, Shay.“ Mom brings her hand to her mouth in horror.
A fist pounds the table. “Bullshit. She should have told him from the beginning. I can’t believe you gave her that advice.“ The vein in my dad’s forehead quivers.
“I’m sick of it being such a dirty little secret.” I also hate being caught in the tug-of-war of my parents’ arguments about Devon.
As hurt as I was when Devon dumped me, he was accurate about one thing. I didn’t love him.
I loved the idea of him.
I know this because one night with Austin was more romantic, more intimate, more everything than my entire relationship with him. “I… I appreciate that you both worry about me, but Devon and I are in the past. I have nothing more to say to him. I’m not sure why he keeps calling you, Mama.”
I can feel my body trembling. An unbearable pressure builds as the dining room seems to close in. My parents’ voices merge into a maelstrom of comments and opinions that drown out everything.
Suddenly, I find myself on the verge of crumbling. Events of the retreat hit with a force that threatens to shatter me. The connection I forged with Austin is precious—and now the tender beginnings of something beautiful feel like a distant dream. A fragile bubble burst by the realities of my current situation.
No one knows about me and Austin—hell, I don’t even know if there is a me and Austin—yet my parents are still caught up in my past relationship with Devon. I’ve got to get away from this conversation. Stat. I push away from the table. “I don’t feel well, I have to get more rest. I’ll see you in the morning.”
Once I’m back in my room, my mind drifts to Austin and the night we shared. Even more than the sex—which was phenomenal—I think about how wonderful he was with me. Warm and reassuring about my illness. Enthusiastic about a relationship with me built on mutual understanding and respect. The look of awe and wonder on his face when he moved inside me. How determined he was to give me pleasure.
Austin is so far above anyone I’ve ever known.
We belong together.
A swell of shame and regret bubbles up when I remember we haven’t spoken in nearly twenty-four hours. I’m not surprised when I power on my phone to find dozens of messages that cycle through an evolution of emotions. Teasing and playful. Then annoyed. Pissed. Increasingly frantic. The latest one, sad. Resigned.
Austin: I’ll stop bugging you. It’s clear you don’t feel the same way. Don’t worry, I’m not going to give you any more shit at work.
Tears well up and spill like a river of unshed frustrations, fears, and yearnings as I sit on my bed feeling smaller and smaller under my failures. Failure to appease my parents. Failure to be what Devon expected. Unable to give Austin what he needs.
Inability to stand up for myself.
My heart aches for understanding. For a space to be myself without judgment. Without the constant pressure to fit into a mold that feels more like a straitjacket.
I must talk to him.
He answers on the first ring. “Hey.”
“I wasn’t avoiding you.” I pinch my nose between my fingers.
Austin sighs. “Coulda fooled me, Shay.”
“I almost had an incident, but I caught it in time.” Saying the words somehow makes me feel like a pressure valve has been released.
“What? Are you okay?” I hear the tinkly sound of the video chat being activated. I press accept and his gorgeous face fills the screen, contorted with worry.
I hold the phone up high and pout. Try to make light. “All good here.”
“Let me come get you.” He scrubs his chin with his fingers.
I nearly drop the phone in horror. “Ohmygod. No. Don’t you dare. Annika and Goren would blow a gasket.”
“You can’t tell me that you nearly had a seizure and not expect me to want to take care of you.” Austin is earnest. Sincere.
I can’t help but smile. “I can take care of myself, you know. I’ve listened to my parents argue about what’s best for me for the past two hours. It was excruciating.”
