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The bottom line is, I want clarity before I ask Shay to officially be a part of my life. Her own family may not be perfect, but they love deeply. Have each other’s backs. I’d like to clean up my house before I ask Shay to intertwine her future with mine.
As determined as I am to move forward, my heart races as I clutch my phone. Shay’s in the bedroom, likely reading one of her favorite romance novels, which is perfect. Gives me some uninterrupted time with my mother.
Taking a deep breath, I dial her number. Each ring echoes in my ears. She’ll likely not even answer…
“Hello?” Her voice is familiar yet distant.
I swallow the lump that’s formed in my throat. “Mom, it’s Austin.”
She’s silent for a moment before responding, her tone guarded. “How have you been?”
“Uh…” I fight to keep my voice steady, pushing down the flood of emotions. “I’ve been…okay. I haven’t heard from you in months. Why didn’t you call after Christmas? I left gifts for you, Caden, and Trina.”
She sighs, the sound heavy with something I can’t quite identify. “I have a lot going on. You’re so busy now I didn’t think you’d notice.”
“Notice? Seriously? Would it have been so hard to drop me a text or leave me a message thanking me for thinking of you? God, why does it seem like I don’t have a family anymore?“ I sound like a little boy with all my whining.
There’s a hesitation, then she replies, “You’re a grown man with your own life now. We hate bothering you; it’s easier for you to reach out when you have a spare minute. I’m trying to…let you be.”
“Easier?” I can barely stop myself from yelling. “Being abandoned by my family is easier for me? And, who’s ‘we?’”
Her voice grows so quiet it’s barely a whisper. “Look, Mitch thought it was best. He feels that you need to stand on your own.”
“What the actual fuck, Mom? I’ve stood on my own since you married that guy.” I pinch the bridge of my nose with my fingers. “What about my brother and sister? They’re my family too. I haven’t seen them in over a year.”
She pauses again and I can almost picture her biting her lip. “It’s …complicated. They’re Mitch’s children too and he doesn’t think your lifestyle is…appropriate.”
“Not appropriate?” A rage begins to build, my voice rising with every word. “They’re my family, Mom! So are you. How can keeping me away from you guys ever be considered appropriate?”
“Austin, please understand. I’ve had to make some tough choices.” She lowers her voice considerably. I can barely make out the words. “Mitch, he has a certain way of thinking. I can’t go against him.”
I run a hand through my hair. I’m so fucking frustrated and confused. “Mom, this isn’t about him. You’re my mother. You have a say. Why have you let him treat me like this? Why do you stay silent?”
“It’s not that simple.” She lets out a shaky breath. “He thinks…maybe it’s best for everyone to keep things separate. You have your own life now.”
My heart aches. I’ve always thought that’s what was going on but hearing makes my pain palpable. “I’ve never moved on, Mom. How do you think it feels when your own mother ignores you?”
“Look, I can’t talk. Maybe… Maybe I can slip out to see you.” She’s silent for a moment then whispers, “Let’s talk face-to-face.”
Swallowing hard, I nod, even though she can’t see me. “Okay. Lunch? Tomorrow?”
“Okay.” Her voice is small.
“Meet me at the Metropolitan Grill.” I check my calendar. “Noon.”
When I hang up the phone, the heaviness remains. I’m giving it a fifty-fifty chance she shows up. No, thirty-seventy. I bury my face in my hands. What will I even say to her? It’s all such a shitshow.
Feeling a presence in the room, I look up to find Shay standing at the doorway, concern evident in her eyes.
“Babe?” she says softly, “are you okay?”
“I don’t know, truthfully.” I manage a weak but genuine smile because she makes everything better.
She walks over and sits next to me. Wraps her arms around my shoulders. “Tell me about it.”
I rest my forehead against hers, drawing strength from her unwavering support and fill her in on the conversation. I appreciate she doesn’t race to judgment and listens as I recount all of the times my mom and dad have let me down.
Tomorrow, I will confront at least part of my past and try to get answers to questions that have haunted me for years. But today, in this moment, I’m grateful for Shay and her support. Building my life with her reminds me that family isn’t merely about blood.
