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The stress of the past few weeks pulls at both of us. We’re sluggish. Our laughter less frequent. The deal with Jacoby has made significant progress so there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. We only need to get to the finish line.
“You could’ve gone home earlier.” I shed my jacket and glance in her direction. I know I sound patronizing, which I hate.
She pauses, her fingers lingering on her diamond solitaire necklace—a birthday gift from me. “I’m a team player and had work to do.”
Her softspoken words feel pointed, which doesn’t help the fear and insecurity gnawing at me. The thought she might be moving away from me, both professionally and personally, is devastating. Every time I think about that engagement ring tucked away in my safe, I’m reminded that my hesitance might cost me everything.
“Shay.” I reach out hesitantly to tuck her hair behind her ear. “You know I appreciate it, but overworking yourself can trigger an episode.”
Her eyes flash with irritation. “I’m careful, Austin. I know my limits. You don’t have to constantly remind me.”
“It’s not just that.” I exhale, pinching the bridge of my nose. “It feels like we’re back to where we were a couple of weeks ago. I don’t like this gap that’s forming.”
She sits down on the couch, her expression pensive. “I don’t either. As far as I can tell it started when I accepted the job at the foundation and you started the sale of the company.”
“Yeah…” I suck in my lips. “That’s when you started pulling away from me.”
She sighs. Shakes her head. Beckons me to sit beside her, which I do. “Look, we’re both tired. Coming off a rough few weeks. I’m looking forward to this transaction wrapping up so—“
“So you can start the new job,” I interrupt, realizing how petulant I sound. It’s ironic, I was pissed when Miles hired her. I said I’d support her decision and now I don’t want her to go. I love having her with me every day.
“No, what I was going to say is I’ll cut you some slack.” Shay cocks her head, exasperated. “I’m giving you everything I have. I’m one hundred percent in this, Austin.”
“Are you?” I nearly slap myself in the face when the words slip out. “I can’t shake off this feeling that I’m losing you.”
“Wow. You’re serious?” She pops up and looks down on me with her hands on her hips.
I don’t know what to say, so I say nothing.
“You’re not losing me. Yes, things are changing.“ Shay’s infuriated. Passionate. Her eyes are narrowed to slits. “Change shouldn’t mean we drift apart. We should navigate changes together. But we have to be together.”
“And you don’t think we’re together?” My heart is in my throat. My instincts are correct, she’s pulling away.
“Austin…” Shay sits back down, her voice calmer. “Listen. After meeting Zoey’s baby, Evangeline, something inside me shifted. I’ve been doing some thinking, a great deal of it.”
I tense up, apprehensive. What does she mean by “shifted?”
She wrings her hands, nervously. “Seeing that little baby, that beautiful life…it makes me yearn for a family of our own someday. A home filled with laughter and memories. It made me realize how much I want that with you and I don’t know if that’s what you want with me. If it is, you aren’t acting like it.”
I’m taken aback by her raw honesty. The image she paints is, of course, one I’ve imagined many times in my private moments. Hearing her articulate it brings a newfound depth to the dream. Except for one thing.
“Shay, I…” My voice falters. I think of the engagement ring hidden away, a symbol of my intentions. “I dream of that future too. But with you diving into this new role and all the responsibilities it’ll entail, I worry. How can we build our future, our family, if you’ll be pulled in an entirely different direction?”
She jumps up and slaps her forehead. Marches to the kitchen. Points at me. “Whoa. Talk about déjà vu.”
“What do you mean?” I’m on my feet next to her in a flash.
Tears fill her eyes. “You know what? I don’t want to live together without any real commitment from you. I can’t go through another relationship filled with uncertainty. I’m not willing to be in a relationship if your definition of ‘being in it together’”—she punctuates her words with finger quotes—“means I’m supposed to give up all of my professional dreams to support yours. Right now, we’re coasting, Austin. I’m not into ultimatums, but you’re the one who’s pulled away from me for the past few weeks. Don’t you turn this around and say it’s me that’s not giving my all. I won’t be in a relationship like that. Ever. Again.”
I swallow hard, my throat tight. A heavy silence settles between us. It’s a lot to digest. She and I are both dealing with huge life decisions and the pressures they bring. As for what this means for us as a couple? This is uncharted territory for me.
“Well, your silence tells me a lot.” Shay sniffs back the rest of her tears. “I’m going to take an Uber to my parents’ house and stay there this weekend. That will give you some space to consider what I said and think about what you want out of this relationship.”
I choke back a sob. “I don’t want to break up, Shay. I love you.”
“Austin, I love you too. We’re not breaking up. But I deserve to know if we’re working toward a real identical goal.“ She walks to the elevator and presses the button. Turns back to face me. “Whether it’s tomorrow, next month, or a year from now, let me know if you see a future with me. If you don’t—I need you to set me free.”
She steps into the cab. The doors close.
