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“A near accident brought Rory to the ranch, and coincidentally, an actual accident brought you here.”
“There are no such things as coincidences, and I was already coming here. I told you that.”
“You were also under the influence of muscle relaxers when you said it.”
Nick snorted. “Okay, so they loosened my lips a little, but only the truth tumbled out, even if it was a little embarrassing. You’re my home, and I’ve been gone too long.”
Cash moved his arm off the back of the hot tub to tug Nick closer, settling his hand on Nick’s hip. “Still the pills talking?”
“Nope,” Nick said. “Those things wore off. That might be what woke me up, or maybe I knew you were gone.” Great. He sounded like a needy punk.
Cash stiffened and made to move until Nick pinned him to the seat with his weight. “Let’s get you another round.”
“No thanks. I’ll stick to OTC meds. Aleve will help with inflammation, and it will last twelve hours without making me drowsy.”
“I have some of that in my medicine cabinet. I’ll—”
“Nope. I want you right here.” Nick angled his body and laid his legs on top of Cash’s thighs and rested his cheek against Cash’s chest. The position put Nick’s mouth close to Cash’s nipple and his leg brushed up against Cash’s erection bobbing in the water. Fuck, Nick wanted the right to wrap his fist around Cash and stroke him until he cried out Nick’s name. The same tingling from earlier returned below, and Nick embraced it. Atta boy. You can do it. Nick experienced a full body tremble, which created more thigh-to-dick friction.
Cash sucked in a sharp breath and exhaled a needy moan. Nick would swear to every deity there had to be an invisible puppet master pulling the string that made Nick’s leg rub against the length of Cash’s erection three more times.
“Braggart,” Nick whispered in his ear before levering up to study Cash’s expression. “You’re so damn hard.”
Cash turned sky-blue eyes Nick’s way, and he saw a myriad of emotions warring in his gaze. He wanted Nick so badly in that moment but was terrified of what would happen if they crossed the line again. “I didn’t mean for this to happen.” Cash’s voice sounded gruffer than usual and tinged with desperation. Was he hoping Nick would finish him off or terrified he would?
“Some of the best things come out of nowhere,” Nick said, leaning his forehead against Cash’s. Their mouths were scant inches apart. All Nick had to do was lean slightly forward and claim his mouth, but kissing was far more intimate than a hand job. Anyone who said differently was a liar or hadn’t been kissed properly in their lives. “Cash.” Baby. Nick swallowed down the endearment before it caught air. “I could…I would really love to make you feel better. I would love to live vicariously through your orgasm.”
His Saint trembled all over, and Nick held his breath, waiting for a response. Cash closed his eyes for what felt like an eternity, and when he reopened them, Nick had his answer. I’m too late.
Cash tilted his head and studied him, and Nick realized he’d spoken his thought out loud. He searched for a way to minimize the phrase that had echoed in his brain since arriving at the ranch, then realized he didn’t want to take it back.
“I’m right, aren’t I?” Nick asked. “I’m figuring things out too late.”
Something akin to joy flashed in Cash’s eyes, but it was gone after the next blink. He shook his head and said, “You’re not too late, and that’s why I can’t take things further with you right now.”
Nick cocked his head, and confusion must’ve been written on his face. Before he could press for more information, Cash made his stance crystal clear.
“I can’t do casual with you. Not now, not ever.” The sigh that followed was heavy enough to carry the weight of the world. “I won’t be able to separate emotional from physical. I’d be all in, and I wouldn’t survive the heartbreak when you decided I’m not what you want.”
Hope leaped in Nick’s heart, and heat pooled low in his belly. Was he hearing Cash correctly? “What if I don’t want casual either? Maybe I’m all in too.”
Cash leaned forward and kissed him, lingering for several seconds before pulling away. “What-ifs and maybes are risks I’m not willing to take. They’re fine for business ventures when it’s just money on the line.” Cash placed a hand over his heart and removed the veil he kept over his expressions. Every naked, vulnerable thing Cashius Saint Sweeney felt was in his gaze. “You’re my heart, Nicky. I can’t lose you.”
A tidal wave of love and longing washed over Nick, threatening to pull him under. “Would it be better for you if I left?”
“Hell no,” Cash snarled. “I want you here. I’m your home, remember? We’ll figure this out together.”
Nick breathed a sigh of relief. “Fine. But you’ll tell the sexy sheriff you’re not available.”
A wry smile stretched over Cash’s mouth just as Nick realized his mistake. “And how would you know Burke is a sheriff?”
“You mentioned it in passing.” Nick was pleased with his quick thinking, though Cash’s chuckle clearly called his bullshit.
“The sexy sheriff is no threat to you,” Cash said, not bothering to keep the humor from his voice. The jets turned off, and Cash sighed. “Time for bed, Nicky. Neither of us will be worth a damn if we don’t get some shut-eye.”
“My only job is to recover from my banged-up shoulder.” And to sort my shit out. His feelings for Cash weren’t the only revelations. Nick had realized he no longer had a future with the FBI, something that had been his identity since he was twenty-five years old.
“Now who’s the braggart?” Cash teased. He gently shifted Nick back onto the seat so he could stand up. They both pretended to ignore the gorgeous erection jutting from his pelvis. “We have a problem.”
