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“She sure is cute,” said Harrison. He’d come to sit at the foot of the bed, Steve in his arms. “And her birthday is only a month after Joy’s. I bet they’ll be best friends. Do you know what you’re going to name her?”
Perry sniffled but, thanks to his good breeding, did manage to pull himself together. “I’m not sure,” he admitted, and stroked the swirl of hair on her head. “We’ve never gotten this far before. Both of us have suffered too much heartbreak to have considered it, for fear it might all go wrong.”
“It must be very exciting for you.”
“You have no idea,” Perry said with a wobbly smile, looking down at his daughter. “I told you the story of my youth, Harrison, and the truth behind what happened my very first heat, when Sebastian swore to keep me despite my failings, but as is the case with any story, there will always be parts we can’t capture, or that get left unsaid for one reason or another.”
Sebastian, his arms still tight around Perry, stroked their daughter’s cheek with a single curled finger.
What a wonderful father he would be to her, Perry thought, and began to silently cry again.
“The part of my story,” Perry added, voice quivering with the onset of a sob, “that I could never tell, no matter how long I spent or how much I tried, is the hurt that lives inside of you after losing a child you so desperately want. It cuts in a way I hope you’ll never get to know. And the more you suffer from it, the harder it is to believe that you will ever feel true happiness, because wounds like that fester in a way not even magic can fix.” Perry sniffled, but he collected himself and continued. After centuries of carrying this pain, it was important he finish what he had to say. “I will not trick you into believing that I am better, because I am not. I will carry my heartbreak with me as long as I shall live. Even were Sebastian and I to have a thousand children, it would remain. I only wish”—he drew a stabilizing breath through his lips and held it in his lungs to ward off an unwelcome sob—“I could go back in time and tell myself that there are brighter days ahead. That I will accomplish all of the impossible things the Pedigree said I couldn’t, rise above it all, and become stronger for my weakness. And I suppose, were I to truly have my druthers, that I would wrap my younger self up in a hug and tell him that, as impossible as it seems, one day, everything will be well.” Perry leaned against Sebastian and closed his eyes. “Because despite all the loss and heartbreak, it will be.”
30
Peregrine
1509
It seemed an impossible thing, but Peregrine’s heat did not return, and three months later, in the middle of the night, a cramp overcame him so crippling that he woke from a dead sleep screaming. Sebastian, who slumbered beside him, shot upright immediately. “Perry?”
“It hurts,” Peregrine hissed through clenched teeth, curling up on himself protectively. “I need it out. I need it to stop. I cannot do this again—I cannot lose another child.”
“Is there blood?”
There was something slick between his legs, but Peregrine couldn’t be sure of exactly what it was. He was about to say as much when another cramp tore through him, and he screamed.
Sebastian was out of bed in an instant, and in a flurry of activity, the sheets were torn back from the bed and candlelight flooded the room. Sebastian looked upon their bedding, then leaned in and breathed in deeply, his nostrils flaring. “It does not smell of rot. I will send for Everard.”
“Ev—” Peregrine was cut off abruptly by another contraction, this one so painful, he thrashed. Like the cramps before it, it ended, but it left an urgent feeling inside of Peregrine that screamed at him to push.
Everard would not make it in time.
Whatever was to happen would not wait.
Peregrine rolled onto his back and tented his knees. The pain was slightly less when he sat, so he scrambled to assemble their pillows and propped himself up as best he could while Sebastian looked on in shock.
“I cannot stop,” Peregrine admitted through tears. It was another failure, he was sure—another pregnancy that would end in blood and heartache. It was what his body had decided, and there was to be no reasoning with it. This was what he got for daring to dream that a Disgrace might find happiness with a dragon. “Sebastian, I cannot stop it. I must push. I must.”
“You must not.” Sebastian sounded as close to panicked as Peregrine had ever heard him. “You must resist. I will send for Everard. He will make this right. You are strong, Perry. You can fight it.”
“I can’t,” Peregrine sobbed.
Another cramp tore through him, and he gave in to it.
He pushed.
“Stop,” Sebastian demanded, but not out of anger—out of fear. “Perry, you mustn’t. One hour. All I ask is one hour. I will—”
Peregrine screamed. The cramps followed one after another rapidly, and when this one hit, it woke instincts in him he couldn’t ignore. With all the force he had, Peregrine bore down.
There was something inside of him, and he needed to get it out.
“Safiya,” Sebastian bellowed, calling for the Attendant with whom Peregrine had bonded the most closely. “Come at once. Peregrine is—”
Safiya was not near the bedroom at this hour of the night and wouldn’t have heard his cries, but Sebastian stopped himself short regardless. Simultaneously, a large something slid out of Peregrine and onto the bed, occupying the space between his legs.
Sebastian’s eyes went very wide.
